Bomb Throwing Pacifist
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Carry on, Sergeant!
Critiquing columns is a lot more work than it seems. After all, it takes time and effort. You have to upload new pictures, come up with witty punch lines, hone and sharpen devastatingly apropos turns of phrase, and carefully select the right victim, while being sure to match the right set of tools with the job. In many ways it's kind of like dumpster diving near the Hiltons' and Trumps'. Yeah, you're mucking around with their shit, but face it: their shit is about 100 times more exciting and valuable than anybody else's shit on the market.
Now normally I carefully inspect the latest entries at the various slaughterhouses around the intertubes, carefully choosing my next victim. In this case, however, the choice almost literally jumped right out of the monitor, grabbed my by the shirt, and screamed "do me! Do me! Do me!" while desperately glancing around over his shoulder, ever fearful that the men in lab coats and monocles would drag him back to their Sanitas UFO and subject him to more hypnotherapy. That man? Doug Hagin. The colmn? Well, read on.
If you missed the "peace" proests[sic]
January 30, 2007
On a side note, I do find it mildly amusing that we haven't even gotten past the title yet, and Doug Hagin's spittle-flecked rage of impotent anger has reared its ugly head, manifesting itself in the form of embarrasingly bad grammar.
The "peace" marches or protests or whatever you wish to call them certainly showed us a whole lot about the left in America didn't it?
The lack of consistency in the use of the singular or pulral form in the above sentance certainly does teach us a lot about what Doug Hagin does whenever those little green squiggly lines appear under his sentences in his Word document.
Yes, I would say the scenes and sound bytes from this weekend's "peace" protesters did a very good job of showing which side the left is on.
And that side, ladies in gentlemen, the side that the left is on is on the...left...side...wait. My left or your left? Left side of what? Fuck this!!!1!11!! Fuck you!!1!!!!!!1! Fuc...hhhuhhh...ck...yo....need...puffer!
Moreover, believe me kids; it is not the side of the troops!
Which are on my right side...unless of course I'm facing them. In which case, they're on my. Wait, I remember this one.
This sentence fragment wins this week's award for most confusing use of a semi-colon this side of a Johnny Tremain book report.
* My, my Johnny! "Moreover" and a semi-colon? "A" for effort!
* Shucks, thanks Mr. Keyes!
* But I'm afraid I still have to give you an "F" for actual content.
* Gee whizz...
On my website http://gatorsense.com/id13.html , there are links to many pictures and videos of the leftist moonbats in all their glory. Everyone should take a long look at these images and hear, I mean really hear what these folks are saying.
Oh please, do go visit! This is if you don't mind the...
1) Shameless web-site plug...
2) Which wouldn't be so bad, if it didn't look like it had been designed by a 6 year-old on a Robitussen binge
3) TWO pictures of the Statue of Liberty, an American Flag, a Bald Eagle, and a tough-guy .wav file from the movie tombstone (because as we all know, if Doug ever met a real life terrorist, he'd totally whip out his six-guns and shoot down the varmint right where he stood and stuff, and not cower in a corner and beg for his life like so many other right-wing turds).
In short if you missed the protest, and have not witnessed or heard any of it, let me share some high, oops, I mean lowlights with y'all.
Whoopsies! Slip of the tongue! There's to telling what that wacky Mr. Hagin will do next!
If you missed the protests, you missed the return of Hanoi Jane[...] How about a new name for Fonda? I deem her Jihad Jane!
Right, and if Doug had any friends or readership outside of myself and his mommy, maybe that would have a snowball's chance in hell of sitcking. I'd even be generous an add an editor to that list of readers, but I think everyone with two brains cells to rub together would see right through that claim.
You also missed Dennis Kucinich imploring his fellow Neo-Marxists to find out the truth about 9-11! I guess Kucinich thinks it was an inside job, that rationale seemed to be in abundance at this protest.
Either that or Doug was in the company of protestors who had actually cracked the spine of the 9-11 Comission Report. Unless of course Dough has reversed course and suddenly no longer believes that we should accept whatever the President says uncritically and without question (that 28% of America that approves of Bush's job performance...right here folks).
Of course Kucinich has accused this country of deliberately targeting Afghan civilians so, this kind of wacky 9-11 was an inside job business is right up his alley.
Yeah. Because it's not like the United States Military has ever targeted civilians before.
When asked what we should do about Iran's professed aim to build nuclear weapons, and their threats to use them, [Sean] Penn answered that we should understand Iran's concerns that WE have nuclear weapons. See, AGAIN, it is America painted as the bad guy.
File under "Yeah, but that's different because we're Americans." Also see "Missile Defense Shield" and "Non-Proliferation Treaty."
Sarandon, displayed her true leftist compassion when she was asked if she thought more civilians would die if the US pulled out of Iraq. She replied that 650,000 had died already. 650,000? The Brookings Institute estimates the civilian death toll, as of last July, to be 59,000. The United Nations, estimates a total of 150,000 civilian deaths in Iraq. So exactly where Sarandon gets her inflated numbers is anyone's guess.
That would be the study conducted by MIT, which calculated that 655,000 more people had died in Iraq after the Coalition had invaded than would have otherwise died had there been no invasion. Ie. mostly violent deaths due to combat, increased crime, the insurgency, and the like, but also includes factors like the inability of people to get clean water, diease, and lack of trash collection. While it doesn't mean that US troops have single-handedly killed 655,000 Iraqis, it certainly does make you scratch your head, considering how during his entire reign, Saddam was responsible for about 200,000 to 500,000 deaths (including the figures from the Kurdish repression but not those of the Iran-Iraq war) over a period of some 25 years.
When a question was posed to Robbins that forced him to examine the possible consequences of his aims, he chose to run away from the challenge by attacking the reporter. Robbins, like all Leftists, is an ideological coward, afraid to debate and intellectually defend his values and beliefs!
Hagin: bring it. Any day, any time, anywhere, any format.
If you missed the protests, you also missed many interesting signs. There were the usual signs comparing Bush with Hitler, and the signs calling the war a war for oil, American imperialism, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, all that Freedom of Speech stuff is pretty demoralizing when you get right down to it, so to prove my fairness and open-mindedness, we'll just skim.
There was one sign at the rally in San Diego that said support for the troops was support for genocide. There were of course signs decrying our loss of freedoms, exactly which freedoms, the signs generally did not say. Of course, I have yet to hear any Leftist actually back up that claim, so there you go.
This will get you started:
"Sneak and Peak"
You also missed several Communist groups, and people displaying open support for Palestine, and wearing head scarves generally seen being worn by Jihadists and terrorists.
Not to mention about an eighth of the world's population. Incredile how well that dovetails.
You missed cretins who defaced the Capitol with spray paint, you missed miscreants who spat on a US veteran who lost a leg in Iraq as well.
You know? The incident that never happened during the Vietnam war and was commonly used as a smear against left-wing war opponents? Yeah, apparently he claims he was spit on by an anti-war protestor, even though no one there witnessed it besides himself. On the plus side, this has put him at the top of the list of minor wingnut celebrities. Although apparently in Iraq they shoot you for that shit.
Is that what the Left is about? Gangs beating up one-legged men?
Hellz yeah! We're all about the half-ass kickings!
So, see, you missed a whole lot. A lot of Communists, Leftist, radicals, anarchists, thugs, morons, miscreants, punks with cans of spray paint Hollywood elites, bullies, America bashers, and terrorist sympathizers! In short you missed the very worst elements of America. You missed those leeches who use the freedom America gives to try their best to destroy America!
I'd write more, but this has gone on enough. In any case, as a picture is worth a thousand words, here you go:
He likes his milk lukewarm, and his rage impotent.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Shorter Renew America
But I guess it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes, 'cuz I'm mr. Brightside.
Shorter David Hines: Congress claims it wants to give working class Americans a "raise"? Hah! They're not even cutting the paychecks themselves!
Shorter Steve Kellmeyer: We need more Catholic bloggers to defend priests who have kiddie porn on their computers. After all, compared to having an abortion, that's a minor crime.
Shorter Felicia Benamon: While we're on the topic of 2008, the only problem I have with W running for a third term is that he doesn't hate Mexicans enough.
Shorter Sher Zieve: Beirut is starting to look a lot like Paris back during those riots. Shit, how long does this thing have to be? Time for another Long Island Ice Tea!
Shorter Michael Gaynor: The Duke Rape Case, part XXXVII. This time, with more Shakespeare!
Shorter Selwyn Duke: Don't get me wrong, I love Muhammad Ali. Did I mention he's an America-hating, racist traitor?
Shorter Barbara Krails: Save me Obi-Ben Kenobi. You're our only Pope!
Shorter Mary Mostert: The problem with a democracy is that everyone thinks they have a say in how our divinely-appointed leader should rule us.
Shorter Matt C. Abbott: The great thing about being a conservative Catholic is that there is zero room for interpretation or error and everyone knows their place. Now, here's what I think the Pope was trying to say.
Shorter Bryan Fischer: The only thing worse than trying to remove the Pledge of Allegiance from the public school system is forcing us to say it in more than one language.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Oldy but goody!
When I saw this column last Friday tacked up on the bulletin board of Alan Keyes' crack den (otherwise known as Renew America.com) next to yellowing NY Post articles on Elizan Gonzalez and Jeff Gannon's Business card (hotmilitarystuds.com), I just knew I had a small flake of wingnut gold on my hands. Unfortunately, that hobgoblin of otherwise productive minds known as "werk" interferred. Fortunately, the shackles have now officially been cast off and I am in teh bases fragging d00ds. For r0xor!
Trembling for my country because God is just
Planned Parenthood, ACLU column ignores baby's right to life
January 19, 2007
A clear sign that the so-called "first ammendment" is clearly an arcane, irrational concept that has no place in the modern world and only interferes with the President's superhuman attempt to defeat the enemies of womb-babies everywhere!
They argue, of course, in support of a woman's right to destroy innocent human life in the womb, relying on the so-called "right to privacy."
Destorying the womb babies before the womb-babies can destroy them is the number one goal of the freedom haters. Clearly we must find a way to fortify and beef up security in these rich and fertile lands, lest more of our precious innocent lives be snuffed out in another anti-blacocyst offensive! (I'm thinking a no-bid contract to KBR or Halliburton to implant every woman's uterus with a fail-safe force-field generator. Or maybe set up a system where every third pregnancy is in fact a womb-dwelling velociraptor in disguise. My my, won't that give the baby killers something to think about?)
The heart of their argument is that "the decision whether and when to become a parent is among the most private a person can make," that we must "keep the government out of your home and out of your decisions about the way you raise your family," and that our society must protect "a woman's right to choose and control her own reproductive destiny."
This is the only part of Fischer's column that makes any sort of sense. Oddly enough, it relies almost entirely on other people's quotations (shocker!)
But surely the ACLU doesn't believe that any act must be protected as long as it is done in private. Rape is done in private; domestic abuse is done in private; child sexual abuse is done in private; murder is done in private. Not even the ACLU would argue that the right to privacy protects anything and everything an individual does as long as it is done behind closed doors.
Shorter Byran Fischer: The fact that the ACLU cites a "right to privacy" in their defense of abortion, but doesn't support murder is a clear sign of the internal inconsistency of their laughable ideas.
This means the question for our friends at the ACLU and Planned Parenthood is straightforward: is that a baby in a woman's womb, or not?
Hah! Trick question! (You know, actually...I think I may have a point there.)
If it is in fact a baby, then suddenly we are no longer talking about a woman's right to do whatever she wants with her own body. We are now talking about whether she has the right to do whatever she wants to someone else's body.
Well, considering the fact that something like 97%+ of all abortions occur in the first few weeks- if not days- of pregnancy, I'm not sure a speck of cells the size of a period (.) on your screen is much of someone else's body. Especially considering the fact that it is entirely dependent on the mother's body for all of the nutrients and environmental controls it will require to continue its development...
And don't even get me started on the fact that most child psychiatrists do not believe children are self-aware until mid-childhood, well you get the idea ("Hey lady! Did you know that my pet chimpanzee is more human and has a greater emotional range than your screaming toddler over there? Just saying.")
We are no longer talking about the state invading her privacy, but about her invading the privacy of another human being, dismembering her, and tossing her remains into a garbage bag as if she was medical waste.
Which is the standard proceedure for almost all amputations (until of course its burned to ash in a medical incinerator and used for fertilizer down the line). For more information, see the X-Files episode "Leonard Betts."
Right now the most dangerous place in American for a female is not the inner city but the womb of her mother.
Because as we have already established, a mother's womb is no longer private property, but part of the sovereign nation of the United States of America.
That's why Planned Parenthood and the ACLU can never, ever, despite abundant evidence to the contrary, admit the humanity and personhood of a baby in the womb. For were they to do that, they would be forced to admit that that baby has rights just as much as anybody else.
Including the right to vote, own a car, sign a contract, and purchase a firearm (if only there was a way to convince the arms companies to make fetus-sized assault rifles!
The Judeo-Christian tradition, on the other hand, affirms equal rights for unborn women, unlike the ACLU, which only appears to believe in equal rights for women who have been lucky enough to get themselves born.
But being women of course, their rights will only be equal to those of other women and thus inferior to those of men, including blasocyst-men. Thanks, Judeo-Christian tradition!
As for the traditional Talmudic approach to abortion, see the excellent article at Religious Tolerance, as well as this article on the history of abortion in the Christian tradition (unsurprisingly, the attitudes towards abortion are contradictory and often in opposition).
Because of their commitment to allow the unimpeded extermination of the unborn, Planned Parenthood and the ACLU must refuse to look at evidence provided by the latest advances in medical technology that demonstrate the humanity of babies in the womb.
We'll get to that in a sec, but it boils down to this: look at the pretty pictures and tell me that's not a baby!
New 4D ultrasound technology (one step beyond 3D)[...]
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to enter....the FOURTH DIMENSION!!!
An artist's conception of the human womb, c. 1982
[...]has made it possible for us to view 'real-time' video of babies in the womb as they move. A new National Geographic documentary features the work of London-based obstetrician Professor Stuart Campbell, who is the pioneer of 4D scans in Britain.
In other words, the miraculous technological breakthroughs embraced by pro-life activists and ignored by the evil pro-abortion ACLU supports consist of...pictures that move. Take a moment to catch your breath. I'll still be here.
Videos he has produced of twins and triplets in the womb
HOLY SHIT PEOPLE!!!! They have pictures that fucking MOVE!!! Surely our cause is lost now.
[...]are described by a journalist this way[...] "This advanced technology has allowed scientists to capture the development of foetuses (sic) like never before, including twins and triplets jostling for space in the womb while grasping each other's hand and even faces."
Siblings slapping, grabbing, and beating the shit out of each other before they even leave the womb. Proof positive of their unmistakable humanity.
The journalist goes on to observe that the videos show the "fetal bodies" developing in minute detail — it was even possible to "see their eyelids opening" — and even showed unborn siblings "grasping each other's hands and even faces" as they "jostl(e) for space in the womb."
You know, I do believe that the last 4 or 5 versions of Microsoft Word have built-in grammatical features that check for rdundancy. But I guess that software hasn't been made typewriter-compatible yet.
Notice how the left slips and unwittingly acknowledges the humanity of unborn babies when they forget for the moment about the issue of abortion.
Sometimes, the left has been known to stop talking about abortions altogether!
Although the doctor is careful to use the word "foetus" — he slips once and calls them "babies" -, the reporter can't help herself: she uses words like "twin," "twins," "triplets," "sister," "siblings," and words like "cheek," "hands," and "faces," instead of the words and phrases she is supposed to use, like "tissue" and "products of conception."
Evidentally this doctor went to left-wing medical school and drives a solar-powered Jaguar. Hippy.
It is a monstrous thing that we live in a society which elevates the destruction of babies in the womb to the level of a constitutional right.
Not to mention a good old-fashioned televised sporting event as well! At least, I think it is. Like in Japan or something.
Ah well, that;s enough for today. I have a headcahe. Time for another fetal milkshake!
Friday, January 19, 2007
Your Friday video update!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Your moment of zen...
It's official. Virginia has the most retarded State Delegate EVER!
It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. That means, it's time to...
1) Tell the African-American citizens of your state to "get over" slavery
2) Compare apologizing for slavery to demanding an apology from Jews for killing Christ
3) Apologize, and tell Jewish colleague that you're sorry his people have such thin skins.
Priceless. Disgustingly, disgustingly priceless.
Banging on the Tabor
I know you're busy earning a living...chauffeuring your kids to soccer practice...fixing the leaking faucet in your bathroom.
[...sitting at home, watching the teevee as the dividends keep rolling on in]
As much as I'd like to think Nathan is referring to either the liberation of "stay at home" moms who are finally being recognized for the invaluable services they contribute to the hearth and home, or (alternatively) the thousands of latina immigrants working as maids and servants in the affluent households of rich, white conservatives such as that of the Tabors', something tells me I'm wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
And I know that it's not that you don't care — but that you care so deeply that it's hard for you to even think about what's been going on in this country this week — it's just so painful.
Our friend Nathan here is of course talking about Monday's federal holidy: Martlin Luther King, Junior Day. Because as we've all seen in previous columns, we know what Nathan's views are when it comes to civil rights for minorities.
But, if you're a conservative, I think you'll need to park the mini-van long enough to call up your local talk radio talk show and vent.
If you're a liberal, on the other hand, you'll have to ask the conductor to pull the bus over. Or alternatively, the Yugo (we're a pretty diverse group).
After all, you deserve it, since it's your hard-earned dollars that are paying the salaries of the designer-suited politicos who not only want to take the aforementioned hard-earned money away from you, but destroy all the values you hold dear in the process.
Being a failed congressional candidate, I think we can trust Nathan's insight on this one. At least, insofar as suits and the desires of the elected officials representing us are concerned. When it comes to one's "hard-earned money" on the other hand, I think it's safe to say Nathan is pretty much making it up as he goes along.
It's time for conservatives to rise up out of their cul-de-sacs and take back control of their country.
Well, at least he's brave enough to admit that conservatives are generally people who
1) Own mini-vans
2) Listen to talk radio
3) Have kids that enjoy soccer practice, and
4) Live in the safe, rich, white, upper-middle-class burbclaves of America.
Um...nothing for me to argue with there. Although it is interesting to note that he chose to refer to conservatives as being in a "cul de sac," a term which is not only French in origin, but also means a dead end. Literally, the "ass of a bag." Or bag of ass. Whichever you prefer.
Or else our children are going to pay the price.
Yeah. Like that $360 BILLION war none of us saw coming. Just imagine how much worse it'd be if the Democrats were in charge!
Here's what the past week of liberal Democratic control of Congress has done for our nation:
Democrats summarily dismissed the President's new strategy for Iraq. Openly. Publicly. Enthusiastically.
We are in the midst of a hard-fought war that is putting our sons' and daughters' lives on the line.
Well, not Nathan Tabor's sons or daughters, that's for sure.
We owe it to them to support them in the field. Yet, Democrats — and when did Nancy Pelosi go to War College? — claim the President's plan is unworkable.
Well hey, if we want to make military experience the benchmark of which political leaders are fit to be commander in chief, I can say with certainty that Bush's name isn't very high on the list, pal. That John Kerry feller, on the other hand...
Yet, they have no plan of their own. If you truly cared about winning a war...if you really wanted to safeguard national security...and you didn't care for the Commander-in-Chief's war strategy...wouldn't you at least propose a plan of your own?
Yes, we have a plan. It's entitled "Operation STOP FUCKING AROUND AND GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME." Look it up.
Pelosi's 100 Days campaign is just more Democratic propaganda. The aim is not to advance this nation diplomatically, strategically, or scientifically. It's all just an effort to see how much Dems can get away with once they're in power. It's also an attempt to pave the way for the Democratic Party's next Presidential candidate to wage a take-no-prisoners campaign against the GOP.
While as everyone knows, all this time the GOP (Nathan Tabor included!) has been a model of civility and restraint when it comes to key campaigns.
As a fellow conservative, I don't blame you if you're fed up with scandal, corruption, and political gamesmanship in Washington. So am I.
Yes, after an entire week of Democratic control, Nathan tabor is fed up with the scndal, corruption, and political gamesmanship in Washington. Hey Nate, we feel your pain. Or did, for the better part of the last 14 years. Suck it up!
But if you care about this country's future...and the future of your grandchildren...you'll take action now. You'll write a letter to the editor...you'll call your Congressman...
...you'll slap another yellow ribbon on that SUV...
...you'll tell your children that country is more important than political advantage...that patriotism isn't a dirty word...that the best way to make money is to earn it.
By inhereting a family fortune and then lobbying and lobbying your ass off until you get that damned Estate Tax and Dividends Tax repealed! That there is hard work!
You'll stand up for the conservative values that your parents and grandparents instilled in you.
And you won't apologize for trying to reverse the course of Pelosi's 100 days.
Hehehehe. Have fun Nathan. To the rest of you: welcome to the new dark age fo the Republican Party!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Your daily dose of heaping melodrama for Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 has been carefully prepared by our master chef Helen Valois using only the finest of ingredients including (but not limited to) succulent hyperbole, delicious paranoia, and the finest-ground faulty reasoning. The side of snark was prepared by some guy named Marc, who probably cleans out the dumpster in the back of the restaurant and hauls off the barrels of kitchen grease every Thursday (at least, that's what his paycheck says). Anyway, bon appetit!
"Wear and tear on the guillotine" of today
January 13, 2007
What has happened to Gordon Klingenschmitt and his family is certainly a shame.
Quick recap: Gordon Kligenschmitt (chorus: his name is my name too!) is- or was- a Navy chaplain of the aprticularly shoeless and wingnutty evangelical "Praise Jesus" variety. You know, the whole "non-believers in Christ burn in hell forever" thing and whatnot. Which is fine if you're an Evangelical Christian, but which might be just a wee slightly bit offensive to others if you're- say- a Jew or something.
Anyway, Gordon decided that the best way to testify and fufill his duty as a chaplain was to mention Jesus and pray in Jesus' name every time he had the chance, which included in "all-hands-on-deck-type" religious gatherings, public speaking events, the nightly ship's prayer (spoken over the PA system) and so on.
Well, it just so happens that apparently quite a few people on board the U.S.S. Anzio had a problem with Gordon's shall we say, less than ecumenical approach to religion and complained to the ship's commanding officer. The ship's commanding officer (and another onboard chaplain) looked into the matter and determined that Gordon was in violation of several Military regulations governing the roles and responsibilities of uniformed clergy, including a 1998 Navy policy instructing chaplains to respect the views of all Sailors and Marines by not preaching their doctrinal orthodoxy, especially during mandatory command fuctions, and another policy mandating that all public prayers at mandatory functions (outside of divine services) be non-sectarian in nature. In other words, if you're a Catholic priest or a Jewish Rabbi, you can pray and talk about anything you want during a service (ie. the importance of Confession or keeping Kosher), but at mandatory public gatherings such as a ships's evening prayer, you are politely asked to say something a little more broad-minded and non-doctrinal. Seems fair enough.
Anyway, Gordon made a huge stink about it and became something of a cause celebre amongst the evangelical right. After going on a hunger strike, disobbeying the direct orders of his superiors regarding his conduct, demanding a full court martial (instead of a less serious disciplinary hearing), and generally bitching about how he was a Christian being persecuted by the PC establishment (ie. the military), it looks like the hammer has finally come down. Anyway, on with the show!
This now ex-Navy chaplain, who stood up for his and others' right to pray in Jesus' name, has reportedly been relieved of duty — and of his means of supporting his family — because of his beliefs.
Technically, I would point out that he was dismissed not because of his beliefs, but because of the court martial. Which only occurred not because of his damned beliefs, but because of his refusal to follow military policy and shut the hell up about them.
Today's lesson. Actions and beliefs. Not the same.
"We are homeless, we are jobless, and we are in God's hands," says this outstanding man, who is not complaining. A million-dollar pension has also been sacrificed in the process of winning a victory for which both Christians and non-Christians must be very grateful.
Fortunately, while he is not complaining in the above statement, he has Helen to do all the complaining for him. Talk about delegation!
EDIT: On a side note, what's this about a million-dollar pension? Did the Navy reinstitute the policy of granting their crews prize money or something? This must be further investigated at once!
EDIT II: Wait. What's this about a victory? And why should non-Christians be happy about being told that they are hell bound every night at 6:30 p.m. over the ship's speakers?
EDIT III: Oh screw it. Beer o'clock is coming early today.
But, where is the outrage over this innocent family's fate?
It can be found at http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/valois/070113, among other places. As for the fate of the innocent family, I do agree that it is remarkably unfair that the man's poor wife and kids have to suffer under the weight of such an atrociously stupid man. There's no justice in this world.
Neal Boortz and all you doughty defenders of Keith Ellison's decision to take his oath of office on the Quran — why aren't you in high dudgeon about the necessity of recognizing religious liberty, where Christianity is concerned?
Yeah punks! And if I start my own religion which requires me to worship some fat, bearded Japanese guy and includes nerve gas attacks on the Tokyo subway as one of my sacrements, I certainly expect to find your hypotricial asses up there on a podium defending my religious freedom as well! Tools.
The fact that mainstream commentators do not seem upset about the defunding of the Klingenschmitts is an indication that their punishment at the hands of the powerful and bigoted is more than just a shame.
Following this logic, I also maintain that the ignorance mainstream commentators display with regards to my quest to buy a new Toyota FJ Cruiser is further proof that my situation is more than just a shame too!
It is a grave and disturbing symptom of the anti-life movement's waxing influence over a nation that can only be described as increasingly sold out to a concatenation of vacuous propaganda. Economic marginalization is a time-tested means by which tyrannies attempt to keep the uppity in line; the Klingenschmitts are not the first to suffer it and, if the deafening silence surrounding their plight is any indication, they won't be the last, either.
In other words...
1) Gordon's dismissal is a sign of...
a) The strengthening of the anti-life movement
b) The increasing selling of vacuous propaganda to our nation
c) Economic marginalization (viz. his being fired for loudly disagreeing with the rules and then daring the military to court martial him)
d) An example of the tactics used by a tyrrany keeping the uppity in line
e) A media increasingly uninterested in focusing on the offbeat greivances of fringe whackjobs
f) ...of things to come
g) An evil conspiracy perpetrated by the Clinton administration, the UN, Old Europe, and environmentalists to aid
Saddam Hussein Hugo Chavez in his attempt to acquire Vorgon Battlecruisers.
All right fine. In all fairness, I did make up item e). Gordon is not, in fact a fringe whackjob, but is in fact a fairly typical example of the type of person living in the vast wilderness of our nation, something the Republicans refer to as "the base."
There was a man living and working in Munich in the 1940s, named Kurt Huber. A quiet fellow, slightly crippled and with trembling hands, Huber was a university professor who taught philosophy, well.
Did he teach philosophy well? Or did Helen just end a sentence with a proposition? And does this sentence seem just a little fishy, to?
When the Nazi movement overtook his country like an ideological tsunami, Huber's keen intellect was not drowned; he refused to buy into the prevailing cliches.
Ideological tsunami? Oh, I think I can come up with an appropriate example. Granted, it was a hurricane, but the effect was much the same.
And to make matters even better, I beat Helen to the punch by calling her faction Nazis before she did. Score!
Some of his students — Hans and Sophie Scholl and their intrepid companions — launched the White Rose resistance group, spreading anti-Nazi leaflets throughout Munich and the surrounding area. Huber detected and joined them.
There were disagreements. The seasoned professor did not see eye-to-eye with the young firebrands in every particular, but in essential purpose they were unified.
The purpose of spreading fire-and-brimstone evangelical Christianity no matter what the evil politically correct Nazis might think!
What was this fine man's fate? Like the rest of the core membership of the White Rose, Huber was caught, "tried," and beheaded. Unlike most of them, however, he had a wife and family to leave behind, making the pain of his sacrifice the keener. For him, an authoritative historian elaborates, "to be arrested, accused, and jailed was a special torment. He was immediately stripped of his status as a university professor and civil servant, which cut off his only income, canceled his pension, and left his wife and children destitute."
Just like Chaplain Godron! Who after having been caught spreading the message of Bob Jonesism over the ship's PA system was tried, sentenced, stripped of his professorship, and keel hauled by the Navy authorities, leaving his wife and children as penniless outcasts. Right?
As a matter of fact, the Nazis highlighted the essentially vindictive nature of contemporary totalitarianism for us by going even further than that. Kurt's wife "Clara Huber was not only left penniless," the record states; "an official at Stadelheim presented Frau Huber with a bill for 3,000 marks for wear and tear on the guillotine in the execution of her husband!"
Just like in the case of Chaplain Gordon! Who not only so nobly sacrified himself for his religious ideals, in a purely selfless and courageous act, but whos family found itself destitute and unable to pay when the United States Navy presented them with a bill for the damaged rope which had been used in the keel hauling process (man, them barnacles are sharp!).
Gordon Klingenschmitt has not, thank God, been executed.
NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!111!!!!
Still, the similarity between the fate of his family and that of Kurt Huber (not to mention countless other examples, from both the German and the American "night") is too striking to be overlooked.
One was a courageous professor who joined an underground resistance movement, was arrested, tried, convicted, beheaded, and left his wife destitute and humiliated by the Nazi authorities.
The other was some evangelical shithead who refused to abide by the Uniform Code of Military Justice (which he was sworn to uphold) despite numerous warnings and hearings, got himself court-martialed at his own request, was dismissed from the military, forced to surrender 5% of his pay and written off as a laughingstock and embarassment by the rest of the Chaplain Corps (yet managed to become a wingnut hero and martyr in the process).
It should serve as yet another sobering warning of the direction — namely, headlong towards self-destruction — in which libertarian America is drunkenly careening. Economic retaliation against those who refuse to bend the knee to state-enforced neopaganism is a bad, bad sign indeed.
Ie. being disciplined for breaking the rules in the name of "Christianity."
God, washing the taste of this one out is gonna take forever....
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Shorter Renew America
Only wanna do what you think is right, close your eyes and it's passed, story of my life.
Shorter Sam Weaver: Much like Abraham Lincoln and FDR before him, President Bush should take us back to our Judeo-Christian roots by righteously hanging all of the taitors and critics in the mainstream media.
Shorter Selwyn Duke: The problem with running Mitt Romney in 2008 is that he's just too freakin' tolerant. That'll never fly with the base.
Shorter Chuck Baldwin: The breed of fascism being espoused by George W. Bush can only be countered by Michael Peroutka, the Constitution Party, and myself. I'm Chuck Baldwin and I appoved this message.
Shoter Jonathan David Morris: The great thing about global warming is that it's kind of like that line of Columbian Flake you snorted this morning. Sure, it'll probably kill you in the long run, but so long as we're enjoying ourselves now, who gives a shit?
Shorter Michael Gaynor: On behalf of all oppressed white male conservative Christians everywhere, I say this: vengeance will be mine, bitchez!
Shorter Paul Weyrich: It's not obstructionism when we filibuster, dumbass!
Shorter Marie Jon': The recent suicide of Spc. Michael Crutchfield in Iraq is further proof that those who oppose Bush's plans for a "surge" are troop-hating taitors.
Shorter Jeff Lukens: Withdrawing US troops from Iraq now would be like coaching a football team that wanted to quit while behind in the third quarter. After you told them the game was already over. And the referees had left. And all you had was a baseball. And most of the team was unconcious. In other words, inconceivable!
Shorter Nathan Tabor: Oh sure libs, laugh it up. But don't forget, we still control the White House. Which when you get right down to it, doesn't really need the other two branches to rule effectively. Or at all.
Shorter Carey Roberts: Women in power? How quaint. I haven't been this tickled since the ascension of Queen Victoria.
Shorter Frank Gaffney: Mr. President, in order to defeat terrorism, you must divest from Saudi Arabia, work with non-proliferation groups, and invest in electric cars. And swear that these are totally not cribbed from a liberal playbook.
Maybe if we close our eyes and wish really, really hard...
Last year was the warmest on record for the United States, with temperature readings pushing higher than normal during the last half of December[...]
Worldwide, the agency said, it was the sixth warmest year on record.
In December the Center had predicted that 2006 would be the United States' third warmest year, but unusual readings later that month pushed the year into first place[...]
The average U.S. and global temperature are both about 1 degree warmer than at the start of the 20th century, a change many scientists attribute to gases released into the atmosphere by industrial processes[...]
No state was colder than average in December.
Fortunately, certain anonymous aquaintances of mine are on the case:
It is warm in January. So the Global Warming freaks are all in a frenzy .The end is near. George Bush is making the globe warmer. People are stupid.
Well then, I guess I was overreacting a wee bit. It's not like the Polar Bears have been drowning much this year or anything. Though it will probably mean Coca-Cola ought to start looking for a new mascot soonish.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Star light, star bright...
For today's exercise in Wingnut drama, we are happy to report the capture of columnist and author Gregg Jackson's Diary! While the miniature padlock on the front did prove surprisingly resistant to our picking attempts using safety pins and an old knitting needle, we can without a doubt say that the overcoming the initial resistance was well worth it. Especially considering this particular entry from Human Events Online in which our intrepid reporter takes a moment out of his busy day hawking Conservative Combacks to Liberal Lies to engage in delightful reverie over who would make the dreamiest GOP candidate in 2008. Take it away, Gregg (even as I wonder if the extra "g" at the end of his name alters the pronounciation in any way).
My Ideal GOP Presidential Candidate
by Gregg Jackson
Posted Jan 08, 2007
In other words, which potential candidate will take the least serious beating from Clinton/Obama in November '08. Can't say I'm thrilled with the prospect, but hey, if Alan Keyes' campaign taught us anything, its that republicans are fun when they implode.
Some Republicans have suggested that only a "centrist" Republican such as Rudy Giuliani or John McCain can win. If history has taught us anything, it has taught us that checkered pants "Rockefeller Republicans" don't win landslides. Reagan-style conservatives do.
Good Republican Candidate
Bad Republican Candidate
Not sure which is scarier to be honest. Although to give credit where credit is due, I can't see Big Boy choosing to flee from Lebanon anywhere near as fast as Reagan. Reagan was skinner, and somewhat more afraid of Middle Easterners, which Big Boy would probably have just stood there.
This past November, voters made it clear that the Republican Party had moved too far left, especially on entitlement spending and immigration.
Conservatives like to think this, therefby deluding themselves into the notion that the Left didn't "win" the election really, but rather that the Right chose to boycott the elections out of anger at Bush's leftist ways. While a fun bedtime story for the Reagankinder, this, like so much right-wing daydreaming, is quite simply
I believe the candidate with the best chance of winning a Reagan landslide would be solidly conservative both fiscally and socially and would be able to clearly articulate a bold conservative vision for America.
If by "a bold conservative vision for America" he means "staying in Iraq forever" and"enriching myself and my cronies at the expense of the nation," I can see why he might stand to be a bit disappointed in '08.
He (or she) would be 100% pro-life. He would propose a human-life amendment and would oppose embryonic stem cell research[...]
And if you or your significant other happen to be pregnant with one of these monstrosities, too freaking bad. You're gonna carry it to term, like it or not [WARNING: EXTREMELY DISTURBING CONTENT].
[...]and would fully recognize what Thomas Jefferson did, which is that government's primary role is to protect human life.
Which is why he would institute a strict policy of global non-interventionism and cut the military budget by half in 4 years or less. Yeah, that's happening.
He would echo the words of Ronald Reagan, who said, "America will never be whole as long as the right to life as granted by our Creator is denied to the unborn."
This was of course some 15 years after he had decided not to veto CA's abortion law, one of the most liberal at the time. But to be honest, he couldn't remember wether or not he had had anything to do with that "Arms-for-hostages" memo bearing his signature, or if he'd actually been in Europe during WWII, so I guess we should go easy on him.
No Republican president has ever been pro-choice on abortion. The pro-life movement is the heart and soul of the Republican Party.
He would be 100% opposed to same-sex marriage. We need a president who can clearly articulate to the nation why a federal marriage amendment is needed to protect marriage from activist courts and state legislatures who have attempted to usurp the legislative authority of "we the people" to define marriage.
This is of course in keeping with the GOP's deeply-held belief in the supremacy of the individual citizen and State governments (especially when it comes to Federal taxation and National Parks), except of course when it needs to eradicate direct threats to the Republic, (such as seculrism and gay sex).
He would be fiscally conservative and would propose bold tax and spending cuts. The American taxpayer is over taxed.
I couldn't agree more that in a society where 12% of the population suffers from hunger, 10% of the Baby Boom generation lives below the poverty line, 33% of the Eldery have no health insurance to cover their medication, and middle-class families can no longer comfortably exist on two full-time salaries that the greatest fiscal threat to the American public are taxes on the top 2% of the American population.
My ideal candidate would make the case once and for all for a flat tax. Even Iraq has one. It is absurd that our nation doesn't.
And we all know how well things have been working out over there with the Iraqi economy and all, don't we? Nothing like having a bunch of 20-something, homeschooled, Heritage Foundation Interns running your economy to get those free market juices pumping.
He would propose specific market based reforms for Social Security and education. He would not propose "saving Social Security." He would propose transforming it entirely so that younger workers could invest in their own private accounts.
As worked as wonderfully in Chile during the Pinochet years. You know, those great "investment accounts" that gave about an 80% return AT BEST on the original investment and in some cases resulted in the loss of the principal for the workers? But hey, at least the Wall Street guys got rich off of it.
He would also make the case for expanded school choice voucher programs and charters explaining how they primarily benefit the least advantaged minorities in our society and would dare Democrats to oppose him.
Hurrah for bipartizanship! :)
And when they did, he'd be all like setting his jaw and muttering "well then, I'll see you at noon at the corral. Bring your sixgun." and they'd be like, all scared, and stuff. Because he's so macho and tough. And it would be cool.
He would be 100% opposed to illegal immigration. He would call for the immediate deportation of all illegal aliens in our federal prisons and would demand that a security fence be constructed across the entire southern border—not just 700 miles.
This would of course coincide with the realease of the new line of General Motors/Halliburton Automatons who would do the same jobs as the Mexicans (currently: pulling lettuce, cleaning toilets, pumping your gas, cleaning your motel, and watching your kids) without demanding the exbobitant $2.13 and hour in wages. And much like the immigrants, when one of them broke down, you could just kick him to the curb and get a new one.
He would call on Americans to recommit themselves to the founding principles of our nation and would speak frequently about how fragile the unalienable rights that we enjoy are and that the most important purpose of our government is to protect life, liberty, and property not to redistribute wealth and provide cradle to grave welfare.
Unless of course you're a major corporation, in which case not only do you deserve every penny of welfare you get, but since you live forever, will never have to worry about giving it back or paying estate taxes on it.
Finally, my ideal Republican presidential candidate would speak unambiguously about the jihadist threat facing our nation and Western Civilization in general. He would make it clear to the American people and the world that we will never negotiate with terror states such as Syria and Iran and that we will not hesitate to pre-empt a terrorist attack on our nation with overwhelming force.
Which is odd really when you think about it. Reagan negociated with terrorists all the time and it never seemed to bother him any 9that is, when he could remember it).
He would also announce that we are the most tolerant country in the world but that the United States will never tolerate those on U.S. soil who preach jihad who call for the destruction of our nation and those who do will be jailed or deported.
Thereby violating their right to free speech and jailing those who dare say the "j-word" in public.
He would be unequivocal in his support for Israel and announce to the world that any attack on Israel would be considered an attack on the United States.
Thus engaging in an act of high treason against the Republic by putting the interests of a foreign land over those of his own nation.
Finally he would call on every American citizen to unite in the war on Islamofacism and ask each individual American to take part in the overall war effort by serving their country—not by "shopping" but by joining the military, sponsoring a soldier, or volunteering to assist deployed soldiers' families.
Which if of course why Gregg will be rushing out and joining the military immediately at the conclusion of this peice. Or his dream date gets elected, whichever comes last.
He would make it clear, as Reagan did, that no foreign power or hate filled ideology could defeat a united America.
Except for that one time in Lebanon in 1983, but that was totally a fluke.
A candidate who possessed these beliefs and boldly articulated these positions and repeated them every chance he could would, no doubt, win a Reagan style landslide in '08. Anything less in my mind results in President Hillary Clinton.
Wow. Let's recap. In 2008, Gregg Jackson's ideal candidate would...
1) Be a "real" Republican (je. from the NASCAR belt)
2) "100% Pro-Life," and in favor of a Constitutional Ammendment banning abortion in all cases, including rape, incest, extreme deformities, and in the case of the mother's life being threatened.
3) 100% opposed to same-sex marriage and in favor of a Constitutional Ammendment banning that.
4) Establish a flat tax and repeal taxes on inheritances of over $1 Million, repeal taxes on stock market profits, and repeal taxes on company payments to stockholders [ED: a real revolution for the masses!]
5) Abolish Social Security as an insurance policy and replace it with a stock market portfolio for every citizen [Thanks, H&R Block!]
6) Militarize and wall off the Mexican border
7) Deport all illegal immigrants immediately
8) Do his best to reduce and/or eliminate all welfare programs
9) Jail and/or deport those calling for Jihad
10) Greatly expand the military, militarize society, and perhaps even introduce a form of conscription.
I think I need a drink.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Of Sorrows and Soros...
Today's column comes from Renew America columnist Erik Rush, who, according to his bio "is a contributor of social commentary to numerous print and online publications. Born in New York City in 1961, from 1975 to 1986, he worked as a studio, club, and stage musician and in biomedical research." If I was feeling snarky or small, i would probably add "as a crash test dummy" to the last sentence there, but there's no need to be cruel. Besides, I think the picture is already a dead giveaway without my having to point out the obvious. In any case, this week he has a column for us called "Where's our Soros" in which he laments the fact that even the TV Guide channel is no longer safe for viewing by his young ones. Let's take a look.
Are you familiar with the Channel Channel? Depending on the type of television service you have, it varies, with the digital variety being the most state-of-the-art.
Go ahead punk, map this sentance. I dare you, muthaf*cka. As an aside, who the hell calls it "The Channel Channel?" Well, besides Erik Rush of course. In my country, its the TV Guide channel, and before that it was the preview channel. Veediot.
It's the channel that shows the schedule of television shows being offered on the other channels to which you subscribe (and to quite a few you probably don't, or wouldn't with a gun to your head).
Somehow, I don't think he's referring to Vox or Lifetime. *Sigh*
Anyway, I came inside after shoveling lots of snow recently (contrary to what some of the troglodytes who flame me think, I don't have "people" for that)[...]
At least, not since he figured out what "el hefe muy gourdo" meant in Spanish. Oooh shit. You just got told, flamers.
[...]and the Channel Channel was on.
I too long for the glory days when there were only three networks, and they all signed off at 11:00 p.m. But nowadays, what with satellites and intertoobz, you never know what channels will available when you turn on the TV.
Now, on a lot of systems the Channel Channel functions as follows: Only the bottom half (or three-fifths) of the screen is occupied by (scrolling or viewer-scrollable) programming. The top half (or two-fifths) is reserved for distracting advertisements, short pop-culture features and celebrity news. Very highbrow...
When your columnist has to sit you down and explain (albeit in slight disjointed and confusing terminology) what the Preview Channel does and how it operates, you know you're really getting a top-notch glipse at the columns intended audience. Indeed, the fact that they are even able to trn on the computer fills this reader with awe...
"Methane Man" was a minute or so clip of a guy dressed as a superhero (tights, mask and so forth) who performed — in front of an audience and cameras — various "stunts" using his own flatulence.
Fascinating. Point, please.
On the Channel Channel. In the middle of the day. For my kids to see.
HOLY CRAP!!!11!!1!! Someone get Senator McCain on the line! There's a breach in the system!! The horrors that are fart jokes have escaped their top-level containment facility and are about to be unleashed on the world!! What will the unsuspecting public think?! Will no one protect the children from this insiduous menace??
As if the periodic mini-deprogramming sessions in which my wife and I have to engage as a result of our children attending public school isn't enough of a pain in the rear.
And after today's episode on the Channel Channel, I doubt we need any more references to the rear, Mr. Rush. That will do nicely.
Exposure to the intellectual, spiritual, and moral decay in America has officially become inescapable. Of course I've installed filtering software on the computer my children use, because even "safe" websites generally have advertising or other links that eventually lead to decidedly unsavory material.
If any of you out there had any doubts that Erik Rush's children are well on track to becoming the most maladjusted, socially inept moppets out there, consider them fully satisfied.
With regard to "Methane Man," all I could think of was the proverbial ET mothership hovering miles above Earth. As the occupants, monitoring our airwaves view this, their commander gives the order: "They're funky. Destroy them."
Unless of course its the P-Funk Mothership. In which case, I like to think George Clinton and the Parliament Funakedlic look down upon this episode and smile.
What puzzles me to no end is that the people who are transforming America into the Disunited States of Pigdom are a tiny minority. Despite Republican and Democrat "base" voters and Independents sliding elections results between 60%-40% depending on the way political winds blow, the majority of Americans do not want an ultra-socialist nation that is soft on crime, accepting of all forms of individual self-destructiveness, deviance and debauchery, tolerant of early childhood sexualization, unfettered abortion, pedophiles, and which projects weakness abroad.
In other words, Erik Rush's vision of what Massachusetts must be like.
The search engine Yahoo!'s Top Ten searches for December 29, 2006 were as follows:
1. Britney Spears (Pop singer with rapidly disintegrating morals)
2. Angelina Jolie (Actress, media hound and avowed bisexual)
3. Lindsay Lohan (Actress, singer, teen icon)
4. Beyonce Knowles (Pop singer, generic sex kitten)
5. WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment)
6. LimeWire (Music file sharing service)
7. Paris Hilton (Heiress and exhibitionist slut)
8. James Brown (Recently-deceased legendary Soul singer)
9. Pamela Anderson (Actress and exhibitionist slut)
10. iTunes (Music file sharing service)
All but three of these are, in my view, pretty scary results.
Quick! Which three do you think make Erik's list? You have 10 seconds...
James Brown is understandable because of his professional longevity, groundbreaking work and the fact that he recently passed away. LimeWire and iTunes are less threatening than the remaining seven, but still indicative of another example of social malaise: Our proclivity toward electronic isolation.
And our scandalous desire to rip off all the hard-working record companies from their justly-earned copyrights. Bastards!
[I]t's hard to credibly offer that the majority of people using search engines are simply morons, young and ignorant or far-Lefters. Yet, the values and interests promoted by the far Left political-entertainment complex seem to be permeating our collective consciousness quite effectively.
And what might those values and interests be? Well, sex symbols and vaguely homo-erotic "wrestling" matches being inflicted by beefy, scandalously clad rednecks. The first I happily take credit for as a member of The Left(tm). The latter on the other hand...
It's a matter of public record that between media and political interests, billions are being spent by the far Left in the name of social activism to promote a valueless, morally suicidal culture.
You mean by selling the United States public on a war based on a lie, perpetrated by the most corrupt American administration of the 20th century, and sold to a fear-cowed populace too afraid and misguided to ask the relevant questions?
So where's our Soros?
The AFA is out there, and the more well-known (and well-excoriated) Focus on the Family, and scores of Christian organizations who decry what's going on. Mustn't there be at least one frustrated, morally-grounded billionaire in America willing to put his or her money where their mouth is?
Mr. Murdoch, yes?
I've made no secret of the fact that given Soros' cash, my solution to fellows like him and Lewis might land me in the penitentiary. I say "might" because there are obvious and proven advantages to having that level of financial clout which might serve to neutralize the likelihood of incarceration.
Mr. Murdoch, yes?
Still, high-powered rifles aren't being used by the Left's billionaire benefactors in their attempts to completely disenfranchise most Americans, particularly the religious. So it stands to reason that the resources of an anti-Soros, similarly applied, could be employed with even more impact given that the majority of Americans are on the same page anyway.
Wait-wait-wiat...WHAT?!?! Did he just advocate the muder of George Soros?
Why hasn't it happened?
Because you're a bat-shit lunatic?
I have a theory: Fear — like so much of what of what motivates humanity. Let me offer an example: Believe it or not, I frequently work in the area of print and broadcast media advertising. It's on the production end, thank God, but there's a phenomenon I've noticed that is both disturbing and indicative of how successful the Left's propaganda machine has been.
I have a theory for you too, pal. it's called life imprisonment with a cellmate named Bubba. I'll let you mull that one over for a while.
Newspaper circulation is down nationwide, as are major television network shares. Yet the two top radio markets are country music and talk radio, both of which have a majority conservative audience. Still, intimidated advertisers pussyfoot around the issue of reflecting majority values for fear some Greens, gay activists or the ACLU will descend upon them and take a flamethrower to their business.
Or threaten them with assassination? I think you've got that one covered, Erik.
So-called experts (politicians, academics and diplomats) like to present social issues as complicated so that Americans will continue to defer to their "wisdom."
And presumably still respec their "advanced degrees" and "decades of experience." Tool.
If I'm to be a voice in the wilderness, I'm going to be an earsplitting, goblet-shattering, seizure-inducing one.
Most of the way there, chief. Most of the way.
See you next week, kids! Sleep tight...