Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Shorter Renew America

Only wanna do what you think is right, close your eyes and it's passed, story of my life.

Shorter Sam Weaver: Much like Abraham Lincoln and FDR before him, President Bush should take us back to our Judeo-Christian roots by righteously hanging all of the taitors and critics in the mainstream media.

Shorter Selwyn Duke: The problem with running Mitt Romney in 2008 is that he's just too freakin' tolerant.  That'll never fly with the base.

Shorter Chuck Baldwin: The breed of fascism being espoused by George W. Bush can only be countered by Michael Peroutka, the Constitution Party, and myself.  I'm Chuck Baldwin and I appoved this message.

Shoter Jonathan David Morris: The great thing about global warming is that it's kind of like that line of Columbian Flake you snorted this morning.  Sure, it'll probably kill you in the long run, but so long as we're enjoying ourselves now, who gives a shit? 

Shorter Michael Gaynor: On behalf of all oppressed white male conservative Christians everywhere, I say this: vengeance will be mine, bitchez!

Shorter Paul Weyrich: It's not obstructionism when we filibuster, dumbass!

Shorter Marie Jon': The recent suicide of Spc. Michael Crutchfield in Iraq is further proof that those who oppose Bush's plans for a "surge" are troop-hating taitors.

Shorter Jeff Lukens: Withdrawing US troops from Iraq now would be like coaching a football team that wanted to quit while behind in the third quarter.  After you told them the game was already over.  And the referees had left.  And all you had was a baseball.  And most of the team was unconcious.  In other words,  inconceivable!

Shorter Nathan Tabor: Oh sure libs, laugh it up.  But don't forget, we still control the White House.  Which when you get right down to it, doesn't really need the other two branches to rule effectively.  Or at all.

Shorter Carey Roberts: Women in power?  How quaint.  I haven't been this tickled since the ascension of Queen Victoria.

Shorter Frank Gaffney: Mr. President, in order to defeat terrorism, you must divest from Saudi Arabia, work with non-proliferation groups, and invest in electric cars.  And swear that these are totally not cribbed from a liberal playbook. 

Marc with a C, 2:46 PM


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