Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Thursday Morning Comedy Hour

Things are picking up. By which of course I mean work is slowing down, thus resulting in far too much free time being wasted on writing journal entries and perusing the outer reaches of Right Blogistan. What can I say?

Anyway, today's column is from perennial favorite Erik D. Rush, Fox News' affirmative action attack candidate who despite being batshit crazy and chronically ill-informed, finds his obliviousness to his surroundings matched only by his willingness to take a hatchet to other black leaders with whom the right disagrees (in short, everyone except Clarence Thomas, Alan Keyes, Condi Rice, and the 2% or so of the black population that had a positive opinion of W. in the weeks following Hurricane Katrina).

Here goes.

The Second Most Dangerous Organization in America

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Erik Rush
March 21, 2007

While researching a story about a city council race for a local newspaper, I came across one of the most disturbing and disgusting phenomena I’ve yet seen come onto the scene in American politics.

And remember folks. This is the guy who said that, in retrospect, Pat Robertson was right in calling for the assassination of Hugo Chavez.

We all know about the parade of far-Left freaks that includes, George Soros, Peter Lewis, David Geffen and their ilk, who are using their vast resources to propagandize the American public into voting us incrementally toward being a morally bankrupt, internationally castrated nation.

As I always suspected. It's not just that the Commiedhimmieliberalnazicrats want to force us into being immoral, but it's their propensity for wiener-whacking which is especially troublesome.

We’ve heard the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) referred to as “the most dangerous organization in America” due to its support for nearly everything evil.

Granted when you heard it, you were probably drunk off your ass in some anonymous biker bar on the other side of town, so you're reasonably sure you don't have to worry about bumping anyone who heard your subsequent 15-minute-long tirade against the ACLU and their perfidious attempts to suck away your precious bodily fluids around the office water cooler.

And yes, I realize that I am perhaps being unreasonably charitable in suggesting that Rush actually interacts with other human beings in an office-like setting, instead of occasionally hurling feces-smeared manuscripts at his handlers during his semi-annual cage cleaning. Call it artistic licence.

Well, I think I may have discovered the second most dangerous organization in America.

If you think he's referring to the KKK, Posse Comitatus, the Phineas Preisthood, the Michigan Militia, the Animal/Earth Liberation Front, or the World Church of the Creator/Creativity Movement, you would know...

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I’m referring to the Washington-based organization Progressive Majority, a lobbying group dedicated to:

“…identifying and recruiting the best progressive leaders to run for office; coaching and supporting their candidacies by providing strategic message, campaign, and technical support; prioritizing the recruitment and election of candidates of color; and bringing new people into the political process at all levels.

In other words, the most dangerous group in America is not a group of shadowy, paranoid, armed-to-the-teeth radicals who intend, plan and execute acts of violence in the name of a murky, cult-like ideology. Nope. The "most dangerous group in America" is a liberal advocacy movement which seeks to support progressive candidates, especially those of color. Yeah, considering Rush's readership, I'd say that's about right.

“We elect progressive champions by:

▪ Identifying every electoral opportunity
▪ Recruiting the best progressive leaders to run
▪ Training candidates and staff to win
▪ Providing state of the art political support
▪ Helping them become effective leaders once elected.

“…We build locally to win nationally.”

You know, I'll say this for Osama bin Laden. While he hates democracy and all it stands for (much like Erik Rush), at least he can grasp the fundamental logic upon which the concept is built. People with different opinions on different matters come together to resolve their differences via the magic of the voting booth. For Bin Laden, Liberalism is merely the flip side of the same democratic coin- one which he wishes to see eliminated. For Erik Rush, it's a perversion of the greatest order and a threat of the largest magnitude, because both sides of the coin should (in his book anyway) say the same thing. Le plus ca change...

heir agenda – the Progressive agenda – includes well-spun catch phrases that translate into[...]

Oooh, well-spun catch phrases? Let's see if I can identify them.

socialist policies[...]

"One man, one vote!" "Votes for women!" "Equal pay for equal work!" and "Black or white, unite and fight!"

unfettered abortion[...]

"Out, out! Vile blastocyst!"

open borders[...]

"iViva la Raza!"

affirmative action on methamphetamine[...]

Um, this one is just wierd. I think it's a transcription error.

economy-stultifying environmentalist zealotry[...]

Boy, that's a mouthful. Um, "Save the Whales!"?

and more pliant, radical Cynthia McKinney and Charlie Rangel types in Congress.

Hey, wait a minute. There are no wel-spun catch phrases that translate into McKinney and Rangel. What kinda stunt are you trying to pull here, Rangel? But while we're at it, uh..."Vote McKinney, she's phat, not skinny!"

Their president, Gloria Totten, “has worked for progressive causes"[...] and is also President of the Board of the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center – all far-Left political advocacy outfits.

Hah! You see? That's the thing about liberals. Oh sure, they claim they're all inclusive, but check it out: their president is a screaming liberal! What more proof do you need?

When you cut through Progressive Majority’s Coke commercial website and the altruistic claptrap, what you have is an organization dedicated to the stealth placement of “acceptable” candidates throughout a sleeping citizenry – at every level of government.

Holy shit. I think Erik's about to blow this case wide open. That despite claiming to be a liberal group dedicated to the advancement of progressive campaigns and candidates, they are in fact dedicated to the "stealth" placement of candidates throughout a sleeping citizenry, presumably by using their mass-hypnotic mind-control antenna located deep within the Washington forests.

The most concerning (and convicting) of Progressive Majority’s promises is that of helping candidates “become effective leaders once elected”, essentially confirming said candidates as their agents. These candidates of course generally disavow any significant entanglement or identification with the organization, citing the “plausible deniability” of 527-like tax-exempt advocacy groups and PACs.

If this is sounding more than a little alarmist or conspiratorial to you, it's because it is. In addition to claiming that Pat Robertson was right in calling for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, Erik Rush also claimed that Barack Obama's church was essentially a cult-like front for a black supremacist agenda- evidence he uncovered while pounding the cyber pavement and interviewing cyber witnesses like the good cyber journalist he spending 15 minutes in front of Google.

Perhaps what troubled Erik Rush the most about Barack Obama's church was its 10-point "Black Value system," which included such items as "A Commitment to the Black Community" and "A Commitment to the Black Work Ethic." Then again, given Rush's own status as Fox News' token go-to guy whenever a minority candidate needs to be criticized, I can see why this would be troubling to him.
Americans need to recognize what a dangerous precedent this is, and what politics has become in America.

Grass-roots groups organizing to advance their political causes. Truly, not even in the darkest days of WWII did the Nazis present such an insiduous threat to our freedom.

Turning over local government to operatives for national lobbyists – of any political stripe – poses the specter of a government in which the individual’s vote is effectively nullified. According to Progressive Majority’s stated mission, Americans from local to national levels will be governed by agenda-driven lobbyists in Washington, D.C. rather than locally concerned members of their communities.

Because if there's one thing we know about local politics, its that it has nothing to do with party affiliation, nor the currents emanating from Washington. Besides, there are 3077 counties and parishes in the United States. If you are honestly worried that the race for neighborhood dog catcher is being controlled by a shadowy (non-profit) cartel in Washington, well, it's time to call the pharmacy and have your prescription renewed.

Hey Erik, want to worry about something useful for a change? How about the fact that 80 to 90% of American news media (and virtually 100% of all TV news media) is owned by a handful of for-profit corporations who effectively filter and control what is and is not reported? Or the fact that Regent Law School, founded by Pat Robertson and only accredited by the American Bar Association in 1996 has had over 150 alumni hired for federal government positions in the Bush Administration since 2001? Or that Exxon Mobile recently offered up to $10,000 to individual scientists and economists in exchange for their disavowal of Global Warming? Those items seem far more troubling with regards to the hijacking of political discourse in this nation than the fear that a non-profit, grassroots group says in their statement of purpose that they plan on identifying progressive candidates for every race out there. But then again, I've never been on Fox News.

It is time to step up our engagement in the Culture War.

I personally plan on filling an oil drum with styrofoam and setting it on fire. You know, because global warming is bunk and because I can.

Make no mistake: This brand of Progressives aren’t ‘Sixties liberals or misled Left-leaning Democrats[...]

You read that right, ladies and gentlemen. Today's liberals are officially worse than the Dirty Hippies(tm) of the 1960s...

they are amoral socialists who intend to transform America into a cross between Amsterdam and San Francisco.

It will be like Bullet. Only the gays will probably force each other to get pregnant every once in a while just so they can keep the great tradition of unfettered abortion alive. And they'll all be speaking Dutch.

What I want to know is: Haven’t we seen enough of the Progressive movement’s results to know that their agenda is social and national suicide?

It's kind of hard to be lecturing others on the agenda of social and national suicide when you're starting a $9 trillion deficit in the face, Erik. Not to mention or or two other items...

The “progress” they’ve advocated over the last 40 years has been the direct cause of[...]

Oh boy, here we go again. Another game of charades. But after this, you need to put the word processor away Erik, and get to work on your homework, ok? A deal is a deal.

the culture of dependency and mediocrity amongst poor and minority individuals,

Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and all the other programs that help ensure we don't have thousands of people living in shacks and starving to death in public parks.

the dissolution of the American family,

Umm...legalized divorce? The Eisenhower administration? Satanism?

an industry of black market fetus parts,

Definitely Satanism here.

widespread moral ambivalence, early sexualization of children, an epidemic of child rape (and occasionally murder),

But it's so fun when we do it on the X-Box (especially once you have that bootleg "Child Rape and Murder Patch" uploaded and installed off the internet)

nascent religious persecution,

I.e. Churches can't tell you how to vote without risking their tax-exempt status

weak foreign policies which served to embolden our enemies,

Like the Camp David Accords, authorizing the capture of assassination of Osama bin Laden, or the intervention in the Balkans and Kosovo

and apathetic or even disdainful attitudes amongst Americans toward our sovereignty and the nation itself.

Liberal Democrat (LIB-ur-ul dem-O-krat), n.: Someone who hates freedom, the nation-state, Jesus, and possibly fetuses (unless sold on the black market).

The choice: Americans, and Conservatives in particular can wake up and vigorously counter this blight, or we can start considering where we’re going to put our red light districts and when we’ll celebrate Gay Porn Day, which was recently signed onto the books in San Francisco.

A Gay Porn Day? Those fuckers get to have all the fun. It's discrimination I tell you! I'll tell you one thing though, pal. You may have your Gay Porn Day, but us heterosexuals have us a Straight Porn Week. It's called Spring Break and it's coming to a city near you (assuming you live in LA, Miami, Daytona Beach, and Mexico).

In any case, congratulations Erik Rush. You have done it again. You have taken a boring, ordinary Thursday and filled it up to the brim with the best, most-godawfully brilliant insanity this side of a David Lynch acid trip. I salute you!

Join us next week for Erik's most explosive, insightful and provocative column yet, "The Most Obscene Person in the Nation," in which he identifies the driver of a green 1998 Subaru Forrester with a "Buck Fush" bumper sticker as the vilest, most profane peddler of filth in the Western Hemisphere.

I'm out.


HOLY SHIT! This guy has a book out in which he actually claims the best way to solve America's illegal immigration problem is to annex Mexico. Hey Erik, I got a tiny little problem for ya. Latin America doesn't stop with Mexico. Nope, it goes all the way down until you hit England. Typical, Erik. You're a good guy, but your ideas just aren't BIG enough!

I know what my next Amazon purchase will be...

Marc with a C, 1:20 PM | link | 1 comments |

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Huzzah for Stephen!

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The Good

Stephen Colbert is Time Magazine's #1 Most Influential Person In America

The Bad

From the "Cons" section of his profile: "His performance at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Association dinner stirred controversy, raising concerns over the biased nature of his satire."

The Ugly

People, the guy is a FUCKING COMEDIAN. Conservatives are by far and large completely incapable of self-mockery and satire, the two key ingredients for being a successful comedian. Oh sure, there have been some pretty funny comedians who also happen to be conservative or libertarian (such as the South Park gang and I believe Drew Carry), but they are by far and large a minority and (very wisely) tend to stay the fuck away from overt political satire. Why? Because in the words of a friend of mine, conservative humor really just consists of their talking points with a laugh track added in. Remove the set and the canned laughter, and all you have is pretty much the same stuff you had before: "humor" that is clumsy, obvious and vindictive.

Not to mention the bullshit complain that Colbert is "biased." People, Republicans control the White House, the Supreme Court, and -until recently- Congress. In those 6 years they gave us over 3,000 American dead in Iraq (without the WMDs), Hurricane Katrina, a Nuclear North Korea, a $9 TRILLION deficit, surging gas prices, skyrocketing prescription drug bills, a plan to "fix" Social Security, a withdraw from the Kyoto Protocol, torture, a suspension of Habeas Corpus, warrantless searches and wiretaps, an attempt to gut PBS for being "too liberal," bought reporters to pimp their talking points, exposed the identity of undercover CIA agent Valerie Plame, the Walter Reed scandal, and dozens, dozens more.

So let me ask you. What on earth have the Democrats done to deserve "equal treatment?"
Marc with a C, 12:57 PM | link | 0 comments |

From the department of dum, dum dum dum, dum....

Short little sniplet from J. Matt Barber, affirmative action hire at the Concerned Women for America and general, out-and-out douche.

Don Imus, recently unemployed pioneer of the high-dollar "shock-jock" industry, is a truly gifted man. He has the rare but unenviable ability to really tick people off at both ends of the political spectrum and everywhere in between.

Agreed. We on The Left(tm) don't like him because he's a living, breathing example of the foul-mouthed bigotry for which people have gotten a free pass on provided they wrote it off as a joke (see Coulter, Ann, keyword search: Edwards, Faggot, Stevens, Supreme Court, Rat Poison, NYT Building, 9/11 Hijackers). People on the right don't like him, well...because even though he's very good at stroking and caressing the lizard brain of the American right, he doesn't consistently STFU whenever an embarrassing story regarding the administration leaks to the fore. More on that in a minute.

To the chagrin of the leftist anti-war "you baby killer" crowd, he's been a staunch defender of our wounded troops at Walter Reed.

Um...let's try that again. I think my eyeballs exploded.

To the chagrin of the leftist anti-war "you baby killer" crowd, he's been a staunch defender of our wounded troops at Walter Reed.

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Once more, with feeling!

To the chagrin of the leftist anti-war "you baby killer" crowd, he's been a staunch defender of our wounded troops at Walter Reed.

This is perhaps, in all my years dissecting and analizing wingnut prose, one of the singularly, most comprehensively, catastrophically retarded statements in the history of mankind. And believe me, I get to hear quite a bit about it.

To comprehensively and completely cover all the various angles, dimensions and planes in which this statement is mind-over matteringly, jaw-droppingly, seizure-inducingly bad, let's just take the following three statements in no particular order.

In case you're wondering what constitutes a staunch, conservative defense of our wounded troops at Walter Reed, take a gander:

Lt. General Kevin C. Kiley: "This is not a horrific, catastrophic failure at Walter Reed."

Jonah Goldberg
(quoting an anonymous marine): "Having served at Bethesda and Walter Reed, I was not a big fan of the
WaPo articles. Would you believe that about 5% of the Marines we had complained endlessly about their treatment? Well I think the WaPo found almost all of them. One of the Marines interviewed in the article was given almost everything possible."

Jean Schmidt (R-OH): "While I believe that this building is beneath the standard of what is acceptable, I think it is wrong to suggest that mold found behind an air conditioner somehow is an excuse to say that all of our veterans are receiving substandard medical care[...] It is important to remember that the building in question is an apartment building, not a medical facility. Further the building was scheduled to be torn down within two years.''

A chart from Jesus' General indicating the number of times the term "Walter Reed" appears in several
conservative blogs:

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And of course, what did the "you baby killer" crowd have to say about it?

John Stewart: We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story…turns out it's us."

Heh. I'd laugh, if it didn't hurt so much.
Marc with a C, 12:55 PM | link | 0 comments |

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

My big fat Mexican abortion

Sometimes, what starts off as an innocent and playful romp through the pastures of life suddenly takes a turn for the worse and rapidly becomes something far more sinister. Examples of this include:

1) getting a few brewskis at a bar with friends, and waking up 18 hours later with a raging headache, a buzzcut, a tattoo of a naked woman on your arm, and an M-16 in your hand,

2) going on a drunken romp through the countryside, lighting the leaves of a plastic plant in a small rural church on fire just for kicks (and because it made sense at the time), burning 3 more churches for kicks, another 4 churches to cover your tracks, and ending up with an
8-year federal prison sentence,

3) this column, which begins as your fairly standard, if albeit unintentionally hilarious anti-abortion tirade infused with just a hint of mexophobia, and rapidly veers into the rutted, densely wooded terrain of anti-authoritarian serial bombers and professional abortion-provider snipers.

First, a word about our author, one Mark Crutcher, a onetime car dealer and motorcycle racer turned anti-abortion crusader. From his "official" WorldNetDaily bio:

Mark Crutcher is president of Life Dynamics Incorporated of Denton, Texas.

Hmm. That doesn't tell us much. Maybe the great god Google will be a little more helpful...

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Sweet! We have a picture. Now, let's follow up the link to...

In founding Life Dynamics, Crutcher said that he wanted to fill in the gaps left by other organizations. One shortcoming he noticed was in what he called "professional counter-intelligence or intelligence-gathering". Thus, Crutcher focuses much of his organization's efforts on operations involving gathering new data on abortion facilities and pro-choice organizations[...]

[...]Crutcher gave a seminar at the 1995 national conference of the
American Coalition of Life Activists in Kansas, which, according to the Pro-Choice Action Network, was also attended by those who have advocated anti-abortion violence.

Anti-abortion violence? Creepy...

But wait! There's more! According to Planned Parenthood
LDF has...

* An annual income of about $ 1.1 Million,

* The motto of "Pro Life,
Without Compromise, Without Exception, Without Apology,

* Once paid a spy $21,000 over two and a half years to infiltrate companies and clinics that provide or obtain fetal tissue for medical research and also secretly recorded security meetings of the National Abortion Federation (NAF),

* Published a booklet of crude and sadistic jokes and cartoons about abortion providers and mailed it to half of the medical students in America,

* Misrepresented itself under the guise of an abortion rights advocacy group called "Project Choice" in order to survey abortion providers about their personal fears and misgivings, and then released the findings to the media,

* Regularly claimed that abortion providers rape and sexually assault their clients, that abortion causes severe psychological trauma to women and providers, and that obstetricians use abortion to "cover up their mistakes."

Now, in their defense, they do have a website, which can be reached at I was going to search for some materials on there to help present a nice, fluffly little blurb about the organization in it's own words, but trust me. There ain't any. Any website which explicitly links abortion and family planning providers with the Nazis, to include images of doctors wearing KKK hoods and putting up the Nazi flag on their site is, well, the English language fails.

Anyway, having prepared you for the worst, here we go!

Mexico: Big Abortion's safety net

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Posted: April 11, 2007 1:00 a.m. Eastern

When the U.S. government began dropping the hammer on American tobacco companies, these corporations became alarmed that their prospects for long-term survival might be no better than it is for the people who buy their products.

And what a mighty hammer it was. Good thing cigarettes aren't available, cool, and ADDICTIVE anymore.

Their response was to redirect their marketing efforts toward foreign countries where the governments don't regulate the sale and use of these little white cancer sticks. The plan worked, and today, an enormous percentage of the profits made by "Big Tobacco" are generated by cigarette sales in foreign countries.

Which I always thought was kind of puzzling given that virtually all nations have their own local brands which, while not as refined and highly prized as American brands, nevertheless had one redeeming characteristic: the fact that they were literally dirt cheap. If you don't believe me, ask the 1.2 billion Chinese who consume 30% of the world's cigarettes, not to mention the fact that the Chinese government is the largest producer of cigarettes in the world.

Yes, I do believe that Mark is full of the proverbial ye olde shitte. But anyway, let's move along.

Now, another American institution faces a similar situation and embraces the same response.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that Mark isn't referring to the manufacturers of asbestos or Chlorofluorocarbons.

If all goes as predicted, Mexico will soon legalize abortion and become a full-fledged participant in the most prolific holocaust the world has ever known.

Though interestingly enough, as long as we're throwing out gratuitous Holocaust references here, did you know that Nazi Germany had one of the most effective and prolific anti-smoking campaigns in the world and that Hitler was a rabid non-smoker? True story.

To bring this about, the Mexican abortion lobby has regurgitated the same collection of lies and distortions that their American counterparts have used over the last 40 years or so.

Those silly Mexicans! Don't they realize they're so behind the times? Sure puts the notion of the "Mexican minute" into perspective though...

They clearly operate on the assumption that Mexican politicians are as stupid, corrupt, immoral and cowardly as American politicians, and the results show that the assumption is not unjustified.

You know, I believe this is the first time on World Net Daily that we have EVER seen ANYTHING Mexican represented as other than drug-running, job-stealing, hygiene-impaired and subhuman. My, my, time marches on.

Interestingly, pro-life forces in Mexico are complaining that a major reason why they are losing is because American pro-abortion groups are on the ground there working around the clock to get abortion legalized. They say there is also a significant amount of money flowing from the U.S. into this political effort.

So you see, Mexico. Two can play that game. You send your migrant labourers across our border to steal good American jobs picking lettuce for $1.05 an hour, we send pro-abortion lobbyists into your country to fuck up your abortion laws! Quid pro quo, baby!

The question is: why? After all, "Big Abortion" is sending out fund-raising letters all across America warning their followers that Roe v. Wade is about to fall and that the end of legalized abortion in America may be on the horizon. If that is true, shouldn't these organizations be concentrating their efforts at home rather than pouring valuable resources into another country?

Mexico. The Helm's Deep of the pro-choice movement!

Or perhaps there is another dynamic at work here.

I have fought the American abortion lobby for many years, and if there is one thing I have learned about these people it is that everything they do is driven by self-interest.

And if you don't believe me, I have two years' worth of secretly recorded audio tape and pilfered medical records to prove it!

If you don't know anything else about the abortion battle now raging in Mexico, know this: The only reason the American choice mafia is there is because they have concluded that there is something in it for them.

Wait, wait, wait. There's an American Choice Mafia? Why didn't I hear about this? I want to join!!

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"Are you gonna keep barking, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

Same mafia, different choice.

Ten years ago, when Bill Clinton was in office and the "right to choose" looked safe, Canada and Mexico were not on the abortion lobby's radar screen. But now they see this "right" being threatened and a back-up plan has been launched.

We call it "Plan B." No, not that Plan B. A different Plan B.

I have long predicted that when America returns legal protection to the unborn, the American abortion industry intends to set up a network of abortion clinics along the borders just inside Canada and Mexico.

And you thought those "free trade" zones were only good for scoring cheap wine, trinkets, and jeans. It's also good for discount abortions!

Of course, Canada poses no threat to this plan since, as improbable as it may seem, the Canadian government is actually more godless and morally bankrupt than the U.S. government.

I mean, first they replaced "God Save the Queen" with "Oh, Canada," and it just went downhill from there.

That means the only obstacle has been the fact that abortion is illegal in Mexico.

That is what this battle is about. Mexico is the missing ingredient in the American abortion industry's contingency plan.

That and a half teaspoon of paprika.

The fact is the Mexican government is being played for a fool. The legislation they are about to enact will not only result in the wholesale slaughter of Mexican children by the millions, but it will turn Mexico into a dumping ground for the moral decay that is already rotting the United States.

Not to mention a wholesale increase in the cost of living as salad prices double and hotel guests are required to make their own beds.
To appreciate the level of hypocrisy being displayed here, all you have to do is reverse the roles. Let's say that 35 years ago Mexico had legalized abortion while America continued to legally protect its children.

The subtext of course being that in an ideal world, not only would American society roll the clock back 35 years, but would take its cultural cues from Mexicans. Try that one on for size, Mark. See how it plays with all the other crackheads at LDI.

Let's also say that Mexico is now poised to reverse itself and shut down its death camps.

Okay, now this is getting to be the creepy part I told you about earlier.

If that was the situation, and the Mexican abortion lobby came into the United States and tried to use its political muscle to legalize abortion, would there be one person anywhere in the world so stupid they could not see what was going on? Also, is there any doubt that the American people would be outraged at this outside interference in our political process? (In case you haven't guessed, the answer to both questions is a resounding "No!")

Though hopefully someone with more than two braincells to rub together and a copy of Atlas Shrugged would come to the brilliant conclusion that if you repackaged the whole situation as a free market breakthrough, whole legions of people named Mark Crutcher would suddenly achieve enlightenment.

So while America would never tolerate this sort of intrusion against us, American death merchants are going into Mexico to do that very thing.

Because if you think life is cheap in Mexico, you have no idea what death will go for. Seller's market, baby!

You can bet the family farm that if Mexican pro-life groups tried to come into the United States and influence our current legislative effort to outlaw abortion, the American pro-choice groups now in Mexico trying to influence their political process would be the loudest screamers. They would be the ones on the evening news every night with beet-red faces and bulging veins bellowing that the United States doesn't need advice from Mexicans about how to run our affairs.

Mark, your multi-paragraph excursion into the realm of topsy-turvy land where north is south, America is Mexico, and a blasocyst is a person has left be confused and bewildered. Time to move onto the conclusion...

One of the great ironies here is that Mexico has always prided itself on having abolished slavery many years before the United States. They will also point out that they did not need a bloody civil war to right this wrong.

So did Canada, as a matter of fact. As did Sweden (1335), Finland (1335),
Britain (in stages, 1771-1807), Haiti (1791), France (1794), Chile (1811), Argentina (1813), most of central America (1821-1824), the Greater British Empire (1833), Denmark (1848), Peru (1851), Moldavia & Wallachia (1856), and Russia (1861). When the land of Vlad the Impaler beats you to the punch on a moral issue, Mark, you've got problems. Then again, Blue America began abolishing slavery in the 1790s, so spare us the lecture.

But today, whatever moral superiority Mexico might legitimately claim over that issue is being flushed down the toilet.

Along with the results of so many miscarriages (sorry, I couldn't resist).

The American abortion lobby is manipulating the Mexican political process to turn this once proud nation into the abortion capital of the Western Hemisphere. And once that happens, they will pour millions into the pockets of Mexican politicians to see that it never changes.

Thus creating an interminable American Fetus- Mexican Fetus imbalance. Gentlemen, we cannot afford to let the Mexicans continue to outpace us in the production of balsocyst-citizens! To the birthing chambers! I trust you all brought your earplugs.

The inevitable result will be that the United States will be able to sit back and show the world that we are too good to tolerate the evil of abortion, while a steady stream of American women pour into Mexico's death camps.

I guess it just goes to show that when God closes a door, he opens a Mexican death camp. Or something.

It's called naked exploitation, and it is the mother's milk of pro-choice politics.

Along with the yummy, yummy blood of babies yet unborn.

Join us again next time, won't you?

Marc with a C, 4:10 PM | link | 1 comments |

Monday, April 09, 2007


It's been a long weekend and I have a headache. So instead of my normal intro, we're doing this gangsta style: balls to the wall, chrome off the slab, and without trick-ass introductory props, yo. Her name is Marsha West, and her column is on the dangers of Gnosticism, a threat so old and insiduous that most Christians have actually forgotten it once existed, even as it moons them from the passing Volvo with the Kerry/Edwards '04 sticker on the bumper.

Marsha, take it away!

Gnosticism, contemplative prayer and other "Christian Traditions"
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Marsha West
March 30th, 2007

Christians are being exhorted to put their minds on hold through meditation and take a step into the supernatural realm. Is it biblical to connect with the supernatural realm?

If a thought passes through your head and fails to connect with either brain cell, did you actually think?

In an interview with Emergent leader Rob Bell[...]: "Central to the Christian tradition, for thousands of years, have been disciplines of meditation, reflection, silence, and breathing. It was understood that to be a healthy person, to be fully connected with God[...] So ordinary people spent significant parts of their day in silence, meditating?

What are we, talking into a frying pan or something? For the love of God woman, make your fucking transition already! It's bad enough that I have to dissect this fossilized owl pellet of a column for the sake of my readers, I sure as hell don't feel like sitting here absorbing vaccuous drivel which makes a Tickle Me Elmo doll sound like freaking Mark Anthony's funeral oration. Move on.

Even if it were true,

Wait, here it comes...

nowhere in the Bible are God's people encouraged to stop using their minds and to connect with the supernatural world.

The Bible doesn't say anything about sticking those metallic fish all over the trunk of your car either, but somehow that doesn't seem to bother the rest of the lobotomy survivors you call your extended family, Marsha. It does however, command women to be silent in churches, a suggestion which I feel has great merit in your case and should be applied as frequently as possible, both in church and online.

Believers are to worship God with their heart, strength, mind and soul. In an altered state of consciousness the mind is not engaged, it's blank!

I wonder if Marsha enters an "altered state of consciousness" when she fires up the ol' word processor. It would certainly explain a hell of a lot.

For over two thousand years (not "thousands of years")[...]

Can you believe this woman actually writes books for use with homeschoolers? And to think in another 20 years, these will be the type of people running the government under Jeb Bush. It's kind of like knowing that our sun is going to run out of energy one day. You know that it's going to happen, but you feel so powerless at the same time.

For over two thousand years (not "thousands of years") Christians have followed a whole host of unbiblical practices that God regards evil. But that hasn't stopped untold numbers from participating. Example: Even though God forbids fortune telling (divination) countless people, including Christians, have visited mediums to "look into the future."

You know what else God forbids? Shrimp. But don't let that stop you the next time your family loads up the special bus for an excursion to the local Red Lobster now.

For more than five thousand years meditation has been practiced by Eastern religions and has become mainstream in Western culture. It is true, as Bell says, that Christian's have been practicing meditation for centuries.

It is also true that the kid's who end up reading Marsha's book's are going to have notably atrocious grammar skill's. Good thing mom doesn't take off point's for spelling.

Christian meditation came about when monks began reading the Bible slowly. As they read, they would ponder the deeper meaning of each verse. This is called "divine reading" or lectio divina. As a result of their Scripture meditation the monks found themselves spontaneously praying. Their prayer would move them to a wordless focus on God. They called this "wordless love for God" contemplation. More on contemplative prayer in a moment.

I feel the same way when I'm trying to read the warning sticker on the empty bottles of Jaegermesiter at 4am on a Saturday morning. That's not prayer. It's brain damage.

Lacking a biblical worldview and an understanding of Scripture is the main reason Christians are dipping into the forbidden waters of Eastern meditation to "know the unknowable."

Dipping into forbidden waters? Eastern meditation? Knowing the unknowable? Sounds like someone's copy of the Kama Sutra is overdue at the county library.

Contemporary Christianity is following "every wind of doctrine." Believers are listening to what their "itching ears want to hear." Regrettably, their itching ears are tuned to neo-gnostic heresy. One of the obstacles the Apostles faced were false teachers, the Gnostics being the most prevalent of the bunch. Gnosticism was condemned as a heresy in the first century church. Here's the crux of Gnosticism:

And here I was, thinking the primary threat to the church was abortion, the removal of the Ten Commandments from public buildings and the elimination of school prayer. Never occurred to me that Simon Magus was that high on the list as well.

"Christian Gnosticism is the belief that one must have a "gnosis" (from Greek "Gnosko," to know) or inner knowledge which is mystical knowledge obtained only after one has been properly initiated. Only a few can possess this mystical knowledge, limiting the number of those "in the know". ... Gnosticism today seems to provide a lot of the form and color for the New Age portrait of Jesus where Jesus is seen as the illumined Illuminator: one who serves as a cosmic catalyst for others' awakening. As such it is as false and heretical as the Gnosticism of the first century and needs to be roundly condemned for the heresy that it is."

Normally I wouldn't bother with this, but just so you can see how fuct up Marsha's line of reasoning really is, there you have it. The first person who can tell me what any of the above means in 10 words or less gets a Snickers Bar.

Most of us think it's cool to have inside information. Makes one feel important. Even special.

At least until the Securities and Exchange Commission comes sniffing about.

You say, "My church isn't into any of that New Age stuff." No, but you'll read about the New Age stuff in books purchased in your local or online Christian bookstore. You'll also see an abundance of false teaching on Christian blogs all over the Internet.

Okay, this column has gone from just plain silly and incomprehensible to creepily authoritarian. Time to make sure my passport is in order.

Or you'll hear name it and claim it prosperity preachers on TV acting as if the Almighty is actually whispering into their ear as they impart their false teaching to millions of viewers.

Aw c'mon! God totally wanted that hit on Hugo Chavez!

You can't even escape Gnostic heresy in modern Christian music. You could be singing it in church! Listen to the lyrics of so-called worship songs and be amazed! And be sickened.

Or you could just check out this photo of the world's largest colon (currently on display at the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia). The effect will be the same.

Last, but not least, the Oprah Winfrey Show if rife with Gnosticism. Those who tune into Oprah's program (a number of gullible Christians do) will hear her guest's share their esoteric mystical experiences.

All right, this just isn't funny anymore. Sad, pathetic, and creepy but not funny. Marsha, the RED squiggles are spelling errors, the GREEN squiggles are grammatical errors! You can't just ignore them because it makes you feel good, hon.

Biblical prayer advocates engaging your mind, even wrestling in your mind, as did Epaphras, not emptying your mind!

I don't envy the headaches she must have at the end of the day.

Will practicing Eastern mysticism really help to open you up to a greater spiritual experience with God, or just the opposite? Since God opposes mysticism in any form, perhaps contemplatives are really experiencing visits from demonic spirits. Meditate on that!

And there you have it, you crack smoking liberal hippy Christians! Join us next week for another exciting column in which Marsha explains how global warming is very real, but that secular scientists and atheist abortion doctors are trying to confuse us by blaming it on cars and CO2 emissions, instead of Satan's rancid flatulence. Details to follow!
Marc with a C, 2:41 PM | link | 0 comments |