Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Monday, March 05, 2007

In other news...

I really need to spend more time looking for "fair and balanced" newssites dedicated to combating the secularization and liberalization of the American media machine. I mean any website featuring an article which contains the phrase "Concerned Women for America fears Democrats will succeed in passing a so-called "hate crimes" bill in Congress" accompanied by a picture of Ku Klux Klansmen saluting a burning cross is...well...comedy gold.

Today's summaries come from One News Now, complete with catchy (if slightly redundant) subtitle: The One Site for your News Right Now. Let's have a look at some of the headlines.

Title: Senate GOP leader says Democrats divided on Iraq

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Opening Sentence: The top Senate Republican [Mitch Mcconnel] testifies to an internal fight among Democrats about whether to cut funding to U.S. troops serving in Iraq.
Snarky Comment: I know a lot of us get all hot and bothered every time we hear the words "Republican" and "testifies" used in the same sentence as anything other than an item in a list of things which would never happen, but don't worry. All he's doing is pointing out that the democrats are hopelessly divided and stuff and will never be able to block any kind of powerful Bush surge, newfound majority or not. And also, the new GOP is totally gnna kick ass in '08.
The Kicker: President Bush will be in Louisville on Friday for a campaign event on behalf of McConnell.

Title: Conservative group predicts passage of 'hate crimes' bill, ENDA

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Opening Sentence: Concerned Women for America fears Democrats will succeed in passing a so-called "hate crimes" bill in Congress.
Snarky Comment: Because nothing says give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free quite like putting a set of air quotes around a 'so-called "Hate Crimes" bill.'
The Kicker: As he believes about HR 254, Barber fears that once the ENDA measure is introduced it will pass the Democratic-controlled Congress -- much to the delight of homosexual activists. [It's not the passage of the bill that really bothers me so much, but do they really have to be so freaking happy about it?]

Title: Feds asked to investigate 'obscenity' in school curriculum

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Opening Sentence: A pro-family group in Howell, Michigan says the local school district is exposing students to obscene material, including a book that graphically describes the rape of an 11-year-old girl by her father.
Snarky Comment: If you think they're referring to the Bible, you'd be way off. It's actually a reference to "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison.
The Kicker: Fyke admits she is "a little angry" that the school board did not see fit to fix the process that failed to screen out these books with their graphic content. The school officials know the system is broken, she insists, and yet "they didn’t see fit to keep these kids protected from material like that.” [In other news, the Howell School district has postponed a planned visit to the art museum in light of the controversy, insisting that the curators either put some clothes on those statues, or hire themselves a damned good lawyer.]

Title: 'Crazy' views of Weather Channel climatologist assailed

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Opening Sentence: A growing number of meteorologists are publicly countering the claims of environmental activists who argue manmade global warming threatens the planet's existence.
Snarky Comment: After all, if there's one group who has the authority to speak authoritatively on the issue of climate change, it's the guy who stands with a microphone out in the hurricane and informs the anchors that "it's a little windy out" as an abandoned schoolbus comes skidding on by.
The Kicker: Last week a panel of veteran Cleveland TV meteorologists said global warming should not be considered a scientific fact. [Thus adding their weight to the debate along with that of Rupert Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch's wife, all of Rupert Murdoch's wife's friends, all of Rupert Murdoch's associates and employees, and some guy I met on the metro named Bernard.]

Title: Vets to counter anti-war march

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Opening Sentence: A POW-MIA group will be heading to Washington later this month to voice support for the U.S. military operation in Iraq and to prevent anti-war activists from desecrating veterans memorials in the nation's capital.
Snarky Comment: Well if they are indeed legitimate POW-MIAs, its so nice to see that their captors will let them have the day off to go hold a counter-protest. Makes you wonder why they even want to leave, really.
The Kicker: And in further reference to anti-war activities of celebrity status, [Pro-war protestor] Muller adds: "All the movie stars in Hollywood would not have the money they do, if it were not for the veterans of this country." [Because nothing else spells out "instant Hollywood Blockbuster" like catering to veterans. Just look at "Tears of the Sun," "The Marine," and "Home of the Brave," for instance.]
Marc with a C, 12:13 PM


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