Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Who will save the children?

March 12, 2007
Joshua Herring
RenewAmerica analyst

Sometimes, these parodies just write themselves...

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The things that have been taking place in the courts of this nation regarding the raising and educating of our children are increasingly disturbing.

Because, as Helen Lovejoy might say, "Won't somebody please think of the children??"

In some of the news articles I've run across in recent weeks, I've seen things such as this — which has the backing of Walter Cronkite:

*Durk durk whoop!* White anglophone Christian conservatives are the most disenfranchised and persecuted minority of all! *Yoink whoop awooga!*

Similarly in the state of Massachusetts, we have this recent development:

The development in question of course being a court ruling that since homosexual unions are legal in the state of Massachusetts, schools have an obligation to teach the students about them in order to ensure that they are well-rounded and informed members of society and all that. Lord knows how dangerous a little information can be...
In something I wrote about myself some time ago, there was also this piece of judicial tyranny handed down by the Ninth "Circus" Court of Appeals:

These block quotes are getting kind of tedious. In any case, as Herring obviously feels that his ninth "Circus" court of appeals joke is the funniest thing since his decision a few years back to go to the Renew America Haloween party dressed like a fish and insists on repeating it as often as he can, I'll just cut to the chase. All you need to know is that he doesn't like it.

The case involves the Palmdale School District in California, which notified parents of its intentions to conduct an assessment of children ages seven to ten in order to 'establish a community baseline measure of children's exposure to early trauma (for example, violence).' What the letter to parents did not convey was that ten of the 79 questions on the survey would ask the children about the frequency of 'touching my private parts,' 'thinking about having sex,' 'having sex feelings in my body,' and 'can't stop thinking about sex.'

Oh my God! Liberals have deployed teh sexay! Our Judeochristian magick is useless against it! Hide the women and kids, lest they ask them a clinically relevant question too!

Either that of the school district was trying to gauge the number of kids out there who were suffering from sexual abuse in the household. Don't know why Herring would be upset about that, but anyway, let's move on...

There is more going on than just an effort to silence the voice of Christians in this nation. On a Christian radio station in the town where I live, I recently heard an eleven year old talking about global warming. In a voice that was cold and venomous, this child was literally threatening adults that when his generation aren't kids anymore, they are going to pay us back for all the trouble we've stored up for their generation through our mismanagement of the world.

Damn. Kid's got cohones. Oddly enough, I can't tell what horrifies Joshua more, the fact that the kid believes in global warming, or that those who have fucked up the globe are going to be held accountable for it someday. The fact that Joshua also felt threatened by the "cold and venemous" voice of a well-educated 11-year-old says something about his intestinal fortitude as well.

Who says the youth of the nation are ruined and worthless?

Someone needs to do something with that child, and while we're at it, I would welcome a debate with the Cronkite and the Interfaith Alliance anytime and anywhere.

Damn dude, now you're the one showing cohones there, Joshua. Please come and wrap your big muscles around me, and tell me everything will be ok.

While echoing the mantra "First Amendment First," they have no idea what the First Amendment really stands for, and I for one would love to treat them to a history lesson drawn from unimpeachable sources.

Because no matter what crazy liberals might have told you in school, what the first amendment really stands for is "shut the fuck up and obey."

And while we're on it...what the fuck does this have to do with anything?
The falsely conceived doctrine of Separation of Church and State is the modern Supreme Court's distorted interpretation of a First Amendment that was in truth formed on the founding doctrine of "disestablishment" — meaning, forbidding the establishment of an official national church, of the sort common in Europe.
Huh. And I thought it had something to do with Thomas Jefferson's "wall of separation" letter.
The members of the Supreme Court of the founding generation and the members of the Court in early generations of Americans that followed would absolutely flip their lid if they saw what the Court has done with the First Amendment today.
Not to mention that whole freeing of the slaves thing or giving women the right to vote. Come to think of it, I can see why Josh is so keen on these old, dead white guys.

Ah well, this thing goes on a lot longer, and basically revolves around block quote, block quote, and block quote. As such, I will leave you with an amusing picture and bid you adieu until next time.

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Marc with a C, 4:02 PM


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