Bomb Throwing Pacifist
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
From the Files of Pathetic White Guys
Congratulations, Kevin. Until this moment I was firmly convinced that title of “single most pathetically white man in the Universe” belonged to Eugene Levy, veteran of such memorably bad films as all FIVE installments of American Pie, Cheaper by the Dozen II, and “Bringing Down the House.” However, following what can only be termed as one of the worst-wrought sentences ever to befoul the English language, I can only assume that you have launched a palace coup in an attempt to dethrone Mr. Levy. May the most hilariously straight-laced man win.
He is also a life long supporter of Hezbollah - a terror network with wider reach than Al Qaeda.
The same Hezbollah which you will recall was responsible for blowing up the Marine Corps barracks in Lebanon in 1983, to which Reagan bravely and boldly responded by aborting a planned airstrike on Iranian-backed Hezbollah targets and withdrawing from the country just 4 months later.
I'd like to dip you in Cheez Wiz and spread you all over a cracker. You got me straight trippin, boo!
Radical ones are amused at our blatant display of weakness on our televisions, amongst our elected leaders, and at the spineless provosts in educational arenas.
And even amongst our military who just recently tried to put a muzzle on the producers of 24 on the grounds that the gratuitous torture scenes hurt America's image abroad, were unrealistic, and encouraged the troops to act out. Thankfully, Joel Surnow, the producer, declined. Otherwise, it might have emboldened the terrorists even more!
They are laughing at us, mocking us, and praying prayers of conversion over us, and we keep inviting them back for more.
Yeah well, you got a problem with that K-Dawg? I thought a stone-cold playa hata such as yourself would welcome the opportunity for Islamofascists to get in your grill, fo' shizzle.
Normally I'm a big fan of Jack Bauer and his pursuit to get the terrorists before they assassinate the President, release biological weapons, or detonate nukes on American soil.
I probably would be too, except for that fact that 1) Bauer is basically a criminal with a badge and 2) the show is FICTION, Kevin. There are no scary Serb assasins with a striking resemblance to Dennis Hopper waiting in the shadows to take out President Palmer, and believe it or not, the terrorists do not have a Nuclear Lab in downtown Los Angeles (and if they did in real life, it'd be the fault of whoever in power kept dillying and dallying every time somebody brought up the issue of cargo inspections. Y'dig?).
This year I'm grateful that they have played out a relatively believable storyline in terms of the dangers we face.
What? You mean they finally had a season where Jack's daughter publishes a article in the New York Times critical of the administration and a vindictive Vice-President decides to out Jack's secret identity just in time for him to get capped while undercover, and the next 23 hours revolve around Jack's funeral? They didn't? Oh...
However, I've grown ever tired of the ranting rampage of more than one character on the show this year more or less lecturing the viewers about the "constitutional protections" of those who wish us dead.
Translation: I really like the parts where they have Jack running around shooting Muslims, and the parts with torture and stuff, and when some politician says we should intern all Muslims, but when they start mentioning the Geneva Convention and Constitution, my eyes kinda glaze over.
I'm sorry, did I miss something? Have we, did we set up internment camps somewhere on our soil - even after 9/11?
Camps? How quaint. No, back in September of 2001 they were INS detention facilities. And we do have Guantanamo Bay and secret prisons in Eastern Europe, but those aren't technically on our soil so our laws don't technically apply.
But, it's not like we've ever done anything like that before, right?
I'm also not thrilled with the fact that they have portrayed a President who is actively negotiating with terrorists. At least he's a liberal democrat though - they get points for consistency.
Hey, psst, Kevin? Any of these quotes ring a bell?
Happy Birthday, Iran-Contra!
"We did not -- repeat -- did not trade weapons or anything else for hostages -- nor will we."
"What began as a strategic opening to Iran deteriorated, in its implementation, not trading arms for hostages."
"The delegation also carried a chocolate cake [in the shape of a key] from a kosher bakery in Tel Aviv -- 'more of a joke than anything else between North and [arms middleman Manucher] Ghorbanifar.'"
"The only honest answer is to state that try as I might, I cannot recall anything whatsoever about whether I approved an Israeli [arms] sale in advance. My answer therefore and the simple truth is, I don't remember -- period." --
"I wouldn't say that we treated [President Reagan] as a mental patient ... But certainly we were all appalled by the absence of the kind of alertness and vigilance to his job."
"I take full responsibility for my own actions and for those of my administration ... And as personally distasteful as I find secret bank accounts and diverted funds -- well, as the Navy would say, this happened on my watch."
No? Then maybe this picture will refresh your memory. It's a little more recent (the guy on the left is the leader of the Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq).
And setting up a Yassar Arafat-like character to be the noble pursuer of what is right is just the unbelievable cherry on top.
Unbelievable? Why? Was he played by Mel Gibson?
There are always the real-life democrats who held their annual winter retreat last weekend and invited an Imam to come pray a prayer of conversion over them as they started the meetings.
Oddly enough, Conservatives haven't always been this opposed to politics and religion mixing. At least insofar as it will get the voters out that is. Just ask Roy Moore.
Interestingly enough, the prayer he read went as follows:
In the name of God the most merciful, the most compassionate. We thank you, God, to bless us among your creations. We thank you, God, to make us as a great nation. We thank you God, to send us your messages through our father Abraham and Moses and Jesus and Mohammed. Through you, God, we unite. So guide us to the right path. The path of the people you bless, not the path of the people you doom. Help us, God, to liberate and fill this earth with justice and peace and love and equality. And help us to stop the war and violence, and oppression and occupation. Ameen
Justice, Peace, Love, and Equality? Yeah, I can see why conservatives might have a problem with that.
He is a life long supporter of the Ayatollah Khomeini. For you youngsters he's the radical Imam who took our boys hostage for 444 days under the "impressive" days of Jimmy Carter's presidency. For literally more than a year our government held its breath and hoped that maybe he might just change his mind.
Well that and there was that abortive, completley unfeasible Opeartion Eagle Claw that Jimmy Carter agreed to because the Pentagon guaranteed him it would work. And there was the subsequent project nicknamed "Credible Sport" which involved rescuing the hostages using a modified C-130 Aircraft. All the while of course, Carter was refusing to negotiate with the Iranians or give in to any of their demands. Reagan, on the other hand...well, see above.
All of that came to a swift end the moment Ronald Reagan put his hand on the inaugural Bible. Khomeini’s choice was, let 'em go or get turned into crispy pork rinds. (See Reagan's presidency was so impressive it even spared his enemy's life.)
Or the Iranians wanted him to win. Yes, I too can see how the mighty hand of justice of a washed-up, brain-addled former governor of California might scare the living daylights out of the Iranians. Except of course for the fact that if the Iranians had wanted Carter to win the election, they would have released the hostages right before the election. Not to mention the persistent rumors that Reagan's staff was communicating with the Iranians behind closed doors to delay the hostage release until after the election. I guess they just figured that Reagan, unlike Carter, was a man they could do business with (and business they did, see: Hostages, Arms for). Despite all of the heated "Osama wants the Democrats to win the 2008 elections" rhetoric we see from the right today, history is not on their side.
But I digress... back to Husainy.
He is also a life long supporter of Hezbollah - a terror network with wider reach than Al Qaeda.
The same group you will remember was single-handedly responsible for Ronald Reagan fleeing from Lebanon like a whipped dog after the 1983 Marine Barracks bombings.
One particularly peculiar anecdote emerging from these appearances being that they thought the Imam was being inclusive by citing Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed. The former Veep didn't even realize that by including only those four he was advancing a strict doctrine of Islam.
Well no shit, son. What did you think he was gonna pray about when he showed up? The wonderful redeeming power of the Bhuddist Sutras?
Finally this week at the C.W. Post campus of Long Island University, on Long Island, New York, five otherwise exceptional young men have their campus jobs stripped for making a parody video on YouTube in which they as the Resident Hall Supervisors of one dorm, donned ski-masks and kidnapped "Pete the rubber ducky" - who as it happened was a campus mascot. Their big crime? The Ski masks and cartoonish Middle Eastern accents!
Which when you get right down to it is really ethically speaking no worse than if they'd dressed up in blackface and eaten chicken and watermelon on camera to celebrate Martin Luther King Day. I mean, they were only Resident Hall Supervisors, and it's not like that had any authority over their chargees.
Evidently they had crossed the line of "sensitivity," even though none of the schools 8500 students had complained and the vast majority of the campus supports the five boys.
Something tells me that if they'd dressed up as Romans, whipped Pete the rubber ducky, and threatened to crucify him, K-Dawg would be singing an altogether different tune.
For as long as we tell our culture through our entertainment that taking the wrong side is the right thing, as long as we give terror-supporting radicals places of prominence, and as long as we tolerate feigned outrage at harmless pranks while holding no one accountable for actual atrocity then our enemies will believe that we are weak.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Kevin McCullogh, leader of the "Musclehead Revolution," sitting there and fretting because he worries about what the terrorists must be feeling. Kevin, we have Dick Cheney on the other line. Want to talk with him first, or should I summon your therapist?
Till next time!