Bomb Throwing Pacifist

...here's Burt Prelutsky's latest column. It's a realy doozy. Have at it, lads!

Getting the government some of us deserve
Posted: November 15, 2006
1:00 a.m. Eastern

Oh God, I can already FEEL the migrane coming on. However, as much as I would simply like to say "Shorter Burt Prelutsky: I love democracy and stuff, but I never signed up for THIS kinda crap" and be done with it, some mysterious force drives me onwards, ever onwards. It is the Imp of Perversion and I feel that it will one day be my doom. In ny case, here we go.

As days of infamy go, Nov. 7, 2006, wasn't as bad as Dec. 7, 1941, but it was pretty darn awful if you were a conservative.

Oh sure, I mean we weren't subject to a sneak attack by a foreign, Imperial power bent on our destruction, and there were no planes dropping hundreds of bombs on our naval station in Hawaii, and nobody died as a result. But let's not quibble with details. For all intents and purposes, this is a declaration of war! I'm glad to hear you feel that way about the democratic process, Burt.

There are those who claim that people get the government they deserve. In countries such as Iran, Syria and North Korea, that might be the case.

Oh, I grant you. They are all people in thrall to ruthless dictators and lack the basic common rights we take for granted, like habeus corpus, one man, one vote, freedom from fear, elections, but still. If God exists and is just (and we know He is), those people probably deserve what they get, concentration camps, arbitrary arrest, religious police, torture, mass starvation, rule by a nutjob, and all.

The trouble in a democracy – or a republic, if you insist – is that all of us wind up with the government that only some of us deserve.

Quick, name that quote! "You can't do this to me! I'm an American! "
Hint: The above quote is immediately followed by "INNNNDDDDYYYYYYYYY!!!"

Still, I can't help but hope that some good will come of it. While I don't relish the idea of Democrats making laws, conducting witch hunts, overseeing judicial appointments and determining America's foreign policy for the next two years[...]

You know. Doing all that governing and stuff, like my party used to do. At least, I think. Maybe they were just pretending. Sometimes it sure seemed like it. Bah, I can't bother to keep up with this anyway.

[M]aybe the Republicans can take advantage of this opportunity to learn how to ride roughshod over the opposition. As the election proved, I'm not the only conservative who got sick and tired of Bush and his cohorts trying to play nice with the liberals for these past half dozen years.

Because if there's anything we've learned from the last election, it's that Republicans are just big softies who play nice all the freaking time. Except for when they're implying that a black Democratic candidate secretly lusts after white women and play jungle drums in the background everytime they mention him in a campaign ad. Or come up with challenge lists in predominantly Democratic districts. Or advocate the use of electronic voting machines manufactures by corportions favoring their party that leave no paper trail. Or make anonymous phone calls telling people the elections have been cancelled, that they are not entitled to vote, or that the election has been moved to a different day. Or when they claim to BE Democrats in order to win over the gullible. The list goes on, Burt.

Pelosi, Reid, Kennedy, Kerry, Obama, Rangel and the rest of the left-wing rabble will work these clucks over with blackjacks, and – who knows? – by 2008, the Republicans, if they survive, may finally learn how to wage battle in a back alley.

Hopefully a back alley in which a few abortions are taking place. Ah, you do realise those medical vacuums are music to our liberal ears, don't you know? You'd be at a direct disadvantage, Burt. What with all the blacosit-Americans worth saving.

One thing politicians, whatever their party, should have learned by now is that their sins will inevitably come to light.

Not if they have friends named Hastert and Boehner covering for them, they won't!

I mean, if everyone you came into contact with on a daily basis was a lobbyist looking to curry favor, a staff member looking to get a raise or a constituent looking to donate money to your campaign, you could easily get the idea that if you're not exactly God, you're certainly god-like. As a result, they lose sight of the fact that there are a lot of people – those in the opposition party and, worse yet, those in the headline-hunting media – who are out gunning for them.

I believe that here Burt is trying to reinterate that timeless Spider Man morality: with great power, comes great responsability, only by giving it a new twist. With great power come the playa hatas. But only a punk-ass bitch worries about shit like ethics. In the words of K-Fed:



I've never been a digger but I rock 'em nuggets
One earing cost more than your budget
I ain't here to brag I'm just here to pop tags
My ferrari cost more than your lil S-class
Look man I'm in a whole 'nother tax bracket
It don't matter what you blow, boy you can't match it
40 grand I take the whole crew to Miami
Then we pop Crys off like they won Grammy's
I take care of my own, that's my family
Magazine talk 'cuz they don't understand me

and

Im on the frontline
Dodgin cameras like the one time
Cant even chill in this california sunshine
But its okay, I got somethin for ya
Im handin out ass kickins like diplomas

Burt, I believe you and your boyz stand to learn a lot from Mr. Fed. He's the real deal, yo. Unlike those hatas in Washington.

It's probably not fair that when Democrats such as Bill Clinton, Barney Frank, Marion Berry, William Jefferson, Jesse Jackson, Gerry Studds and Al Sharpton commit even worse transgressions, they're let off with a slap on the wrist. But that's because Republican voters tend to have principles and are therefore less forgiving, whereas Democrats have only political agendas.


So, while many people want to lay the blame for the election day debacle entirely at the feet of the president, Donald Rumsfeld and Karl Rove, they shouldn't overlook the part played by such fellows as Tom DeLay, Mark Foley and Duke Cunningham, in making the Republican party smell like an open sewer.

In other words, it takes a village to raise a child, but a party to run a sewer. For once, I agree with you, Burt. I am tickled that in order to come up with some good Democratic scandals, Burt has to dig back to the 1970s, as well as throw in some made up crap (Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpon? What was transgression according to Mr. Prelutsky? Being black?). And that he considers an impeachment in the senate followed by an aquittal of all charges "a slap on the wrist."

Anyway, as we all know, Deomcrats bear the majority of the scandals in Congress and the White House, with the following exceptions: Abramoff, (Claude) Allen, Crawford, Cunningham, DeLay, Doyle, Libby, McGee, Ney, Rudy, Tobin, Volz, Frist, (George) Allen, Foley, and those are just those directly involved in politics. Imagine what the list would be like if we get all the lobbiest and unindicted coconspiritors involved (about 3 more names for every one that appears here).

I suspect that a large number of my fellow conservatives carried out their threat to stay home on Election Day to convey their displeasure with Republican leadership. While I understood and shared their frustration, I thought it was a foolhardy thing to do. It struck me as being as irresponsible as teaching a toddler not to play with sharp things by filling his crib with knives and nails.

Or to teach the toddler not to play with sharp things by removing knives and nails from his crib until he's old and mature enough to learn how to handle them properly. The point please, Mr. Prelutsky? Once your party has proven itself worthy and competent enough, maybe we'll consider letting it back into the political discourse a little at a time. Let's say in another 18 or 21 years.

Liberals, after all, can do a great deal of damage in two years – which is why I suspect that, on Nov. 8, millions of conservatives woke up, much like drunks awaking after a binge, rubbed their eyes and said, "I did what?!"

Or in the case of Rush Limbaugh, an Oxycotin/Viagra cocktail. You never know, Burt.

The only real upside to the election that I can see is that two years of Nancy Pelosi's shrill voice and arrogant personality could serve as a fair warning of what four years of Hillary would be like.

Yeah. It's not like Americans have experienced any of that coming from the White house over the last 6 years now, is it?

If I came away with any final thought, it's that the electorate clearly has no problem voting for clowns, but as they showed in Montana and Virginia, where they failed to elect Burns and Allen, they draw the line at professionals.

Naw burt, you old coot. It's simpler than that. It's not that we draw the line at professional. Just professional racists. Thanks, and come back any time!