Bomb Throwing Pacifist

In Germany, B-movie directors don't have to take online crap-talking lying down- oh, no siree. Just take the recent experience of Uwe Boll in Vancouver, for example. Not only does he challenge four of his greatest online detractors to a fight in real life, but he proceeds to knock out all four of them. And who can argue with statements such as the following?

"I feel great. I feel like a very angry German man punched me in the head repeatedly," said the 30-year-old CEO for the Something Awful website.

Which is more or less what happened, you doughy, brickheaded ponce.  Now you know how the rest of Europe feels.

"Nothing will sway my opinion about 'House of the Dead,' 'Alone in the Dark' and 'BloodRayne.' Nothing. But I knew I would develop some kind of sick, twisted admiration for this guy," Alexander said, laughing. 

The fact that you actually spent time (and presumably money) to actually watch not one, but THREE of these films- AND admit to the fact- is a testament to your intestinal fortitude, sirrah.  It just pains me to see that you weren't beaten so badly your mouth ceased functioning.

"I wasn't a big fan of 'House of The Dead' or 'Alone in the Dark,' but after what he's shown me of 'Seed,' I think it's fantastic," Minter said.

I'd be interested in knowing wether this newfound admiration for Mr. Boll's films came before or after the fight.  I know its counterintuitive, but I think I'd probably enjoy a Boll movie better if I had just been deafened and blinded as well.  

Regardless, I must say I am impressed with the Germanic approach to film studies and cinematographic film criticism.  Facing one's own worst enemies and defeating them one at a time in a bloody bout of single combat is so very...Teutonic.   My only regret is that Ed Wood died many, many years ago and is no longer eligible to participate, even if Cinekreig (as I have taken to calling it) does cross the Atlantic.  However, on the plus side, once it does arrive we will certainly have plenty of suitable candidates for the festivities.  

Mr. Peter Jackson?  I believe you have a telephone call to make.  

(And yes, I am well aware that the above statement means I will burn in fanboy hell forever.  Guess what?  I don't care.  If worse comes to worst, I will extinguish the flames with your salty, salty tears. xoxo ~M)