Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

My alarm clock is a self-concious bugger

It is with a considerable amount of regret that I must inform you all that my alarm clock seems to have died prematurely. Considering the scant amount of attention I paid to its incessant yammering in the mornings, I can only conclude that the cheeky little goblin decided to die from embarrassment rather than continue (albeit ineffectually) in my service. Interestingly enough, while the alarm portion of the alarm/clock coupling seems to have given up the ghost, its Siamese twin, the timepiece, continues to hammer on along as effective as ever. Which is to say provided I only estimate time to the nearest quarter hour, I will be mostly on schedule.

I would like to say that I was kind and merciful to my alarm, but I am not habitually a liar. As such, I will fully admit that I was a cruel and thankless taskmaster, but no more so than is common in the awaker/awakee relationship. I can with all honesty say that I will miss it about as much as I miss the horsefly bite I received on my hand several weeks ago and is just beginning to fade. While it stung like the devil and the welt is only just receding, I am sure I will eventually forget how painful it was and in time perhaps even venture to get a new one.

Rest assured, my next alarm clock will be of a heartier and more self-confident nature. I suspect I may have to purchase a Chinese one. The Chinese, unlike their Western counterparts, are not afraid to make massive sacrifices in the pursuit of a seemingly trivial goal. That they were willing to take nigh infinite casualties in human-wave charges during the Korean War or slave away for generations building railroads across Death Valley in the 1800s is proof of their tenacity. I only hope such national character is reflected in the quality of their mass-produced chronometers.

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Marc with a C, 1:22 PM


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