Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Friday, June 16, 2006

I am the director, so I gets to write the prologue

No good deed goes unpunished
A PLEASANT Comedie, called No good deed unpunish'd, Written by the delightful comedian of note, the destinguish'd Craig R Smith. Imprinted at Washington by Marc with a C, For whomsoever chooseth to partake.

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We may well have come to a point in America where we have lost our collective mind – an observation I believe should be considered by every American if we are to survive as a society.

Well, I’m not sure if America has lost it’s collective mind, although if this sentence is representative of the bulk of wingnut writing, I would say that they have at least lost the language-processing centers of their brain, yes.

When I was growing up in the late '50s and early '60s, life didn't seem to be as violent or destructive as it is today. It seemed problems that arose were met with immediate and severe action.

Well, the fact that there were no major wars in the late 50s and early 60s calls into question the rational foundation for Smith’s argument. I would point out that the Bay of Pigs fiasco, and Cuban missile Crisis, and subsequent détente followed by involvement in Vietnam does not exactly rank high on my list when asked to name the top 10 most immediate and severe responses to international crises. Now if JFK had called the Soviet bluff and decided to conduct a nuclear first strike against the USSR, then we’d be getting somewhere!

For instance, if there was a child molester in the neighborhood, you could rest assured that the "men" of the neighborhood would "visit" him, and the pervert would regret the day his mother gave him birth. Right or wrong, that is the way it was.

And when you stop to think about it, was that really so wrong? I mean, sure the guy might not actually be a child molester, or might have once been convicted, served his time, and rehabilitated, or might just have looked “kinda funny,” but is it really wise to take that chance? I don’t know about you, but I for one would feel a lot safer if we reverted to a 1950’s (or for that matter, a 1690’s) style of vigilante justice in which outsiders were shunned, punished, and sometimes outright killed for straying from the norm. If it’s good enough for the wolves, it’s good enough for us.

If the men had to return to the pervert, they would beat the !@#$% out of the guy and he would never physically be able to hurt another child.

Wait, I thought you already said that the pervert would “regret the day his mother gave him birth.” But now you specifically say that they would beat him? If that’s the case, what did you mean the first time around? That they would “visit” him and put a Pat Boone record on or something?

Again, right or wrong, you decide – but it was rather effective in reducing child abuse to a rare occurrence.

And when we say child abuse here, we’re talking about the creepy, stranger on child homosexual-type child abuse. Not the kind of leather-belt discipline and iron, inflexible corporal punishment which was the norm in the regular 1950s household (and which limp-wristed, effeminate liberals have since demonized as a form of “child abuse” as well!).

There were no ACLU attorneys to talk about the pervert's rights. No liberal judges to allow the creep back on the street. It was dealt with on a local and very effective basis.

You’re darn tootin’. And when the shifty-eyed, dangerous looking negroes from the other side of the tracks crossed into the “good” section of town, no doubt in a dastardly quest to find pure white women to whistle at and stores in which to play their wild rock n’ roll music, the “men” of the neighborhood dealt with that in the same simple, direct, effective way: they started a race riot and burned half the city down. In your face, NAACP!

Today, if that same scenario were played out and the men took care of business, they would be arrested and made out to be the criminals while the molester would be seen as the victim. The child would be lost in the media frenzy. The headlines would read "Vigilante Mentality Sweeping the Nation." What is wrong with men protecting their neighborhoods and families?

I thought about making a sarcastic commentary to mock this particular paragraph, but instead, I think I’ll leave it as it is. The fact that it’s actually meant to be taken 100% seriously is really all that needs to be said about this writer. It’s funnier this way.

News flash: If you hurt one of my children, I can assure you I would not depend on the system today to bring justice. I wouldn't take the chance of the animal getting out of jail only to hurt another child. I would rather rot in prison then allow a pervert to ruin more lives until some honorable judge (rare these days) puts the creep away forever. You can't rehabilitate these sickos. You know why I know? They admit it themselves and in many cases have begged judges not to let them out only to have their pleas fall on deaf ears. So heroes become villains, and villains become victims and heroes of the left.

This reminds me of something you might hear being screamed through a microphone at end of a bad rap/metal show being run by a few homeless-looking guys channeling Yosemite Sam. Sure it’s loud and impressive sounding, but can you really make out anything coherent amidst all the mumblerage and drug-induced fog? Didn’t think so.

Take the young men and women who love this country and want to serve its people by joining the Armed Forces. They sacrifice all the fun of their youth and head off to boot camp where they are promptly trained in the fine art of fighting wars.

Whoa. Joining the Armed Forces means sacrificing all the fun of my youth? Man, watching those Army, Air Force, Marines and Navy commercials totally warped my perception of reality. And here I was thinking that all you’d get to do would be shoot guns, jump out of planes, climb walls, drive speedboats, launch missiles, control tanks, and fly off of aircraft carriers, all the while listening to some bitchin metal soundtrack. That blows.

Many weeks later, they are members of the finest and most moral military the world has ever seen. If their nation needs them, they are sent into battle to use the skills they have acquired. Lord forbid they have to use those skills, for if they do and they screw up in the smallest way, they are immediately treated as less than a common criminal. They are held in solitary confinement and given the title of butcher or worse. Now, keep in mind they were merely trying to kill the enemy that threatened to kill them and us.

God forbid they join the military fully knowing that by signing their contracts they agree to be bound by the Uniform Code of Military Justice which allows for them to be held in solitary confinement while an investigation (by military authorities!) is underway. After all, all they did by “screwing up in the smallest way” was purposefully kill an entire family of non-combatants, including infants and a blind, wheelchair-bound 80 year old. It’s not like it was a big oopsie or anything.

In many cases (like Haditha) the enemy strikes and then blends back into the civilian population and becomes very difficult to distinguish. Yet the left demand our soldiers possess the supernatural ability to discern civilian from opposing enemy.

Or at the very least go out of their way to make every attempt to tell friend from foe before engaging. I mean, while civilian casualties are an inevitable part of warfare, it’d be kinda counterproductive for our whole image of “bringing peace and liberty to the region” if we just decide to open fire every time an Iraqi takes a sideways glance at our brave boys in uniform.

One error in judgment under intense pressure and they end up in the brig treated worse than the terrorist detainees in Gitmo. Hero to villain and villain to hero.

They’re held for over 4 years with no access to legal council, no access to friends and family, virtually no access to the outside world, and left in a legal “black hole” in which they have no real status or standing?

The great news of the week was the killing of al-Zarqawi. Our fine fighting men and women stayed the course, did not lose sight of the mission, did not cut and run, and got the No. 2 man in al-Qaida.

Gods-dammnit! What is it with the number-2 man in Al-Qaeda? Every single freaking times we kill someone in Iraq, it turns out that he’s someone’s number two. I mean, even now when we thought we finally got a number one, lo and behold! He’s actually another number two. Either our brave servicemen and servicenot-men need to do a better job, or the terrorists have to find themselves a couple number ones. I recommend a fresh pot of tea and plenty of salty foods.

[snip] Have we lost our minds? What happened to right is right and wrong is wrong? Moral relativism is creating a society that knows the difference between good and evil and yet cares not. Let the drug dealer go because the cop didn't say "good morning" politely enough. Release the rapist/murderer because the handling of the DNA evidence may have been in question. Call the lead detective a racist and your murderer O.J. Simpson goes free.

Prove that the accused serial rapist on trial is in fact innocent of the charges leveled against and let the bastard off the hook- just like that! I blame the welfare state and the liberal media bias.

What the h–- is going on? Why is this occurring?

I believe I already told you, you lazy bastard. I am not about to repeat myself just so you can save the strain on your eyes and fingers that scrolling up and rereading “I blame the welfare state and the liberal media bias” would entail, you thick sod.

Look, I know there are bad apples in every area of the human race. Not all Muslims flew planes into buildings on 9-11, but some did. Does that make all Muslims bad? No more so than a few bad soldiers representing all soldiers or a few bad cops representing all cops.

While I think the point he tries ever so glumly to make is well taken (if slightly idiotic and more than a little vapid), the accompanying imagery he provides of a quarter of the world’s population reverting to airborne lemmings on 9/11/06 more than compensates. In any case, I am discovering as I analyze this piece that much like an inconsiderate movie preview director, I am giving away all the good parts in advance. Please, go to and check it out for yourself, lest I inadvertently ruin what may well be one of the most satisfying experiences of your no doubt limited and somewhat boring experience. Until next time!

Marc with a C, 12:11 PM


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