Bomb Throwing Pacifist

So it's been a while since we last strapped on our thigh-high rubber boots, slid on our air filters, checked our vacination charts and stepped into the foetid swamp that is the world of wingnut column destruction. The time off has done me some good and as such I finally feel well enough to tackle this one again. In all honesty, this is not a new new Renew America column, as current carbon dating places it as having been born on or about May 5th, 2006 (so in blogospheric terms we should probably be giving the Smithsonia a buzz and asking them to send over a crack team of expert paleontologists, stat). However, an opportunity to watch a morbidly obese, 60-something winger dissect the horror that is planned parenting was just too good to pass up. And so, without further ado, we bring you

And that, my friends, is the new face of terror. He is about to give you all a lecture on the evils of sexual education and planned parenthood. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I was giving a talk in Rapid City, South Dakota the other night. During the talk, I asked the audience to take a look at a book that I carry around with me. The book is being pushed for use by children age 10 and up.

The O'Reilly Factor for Kids: A Survival Guide for America's Families? I'm not sure about the marketing age, but that sounds about right.

As people thumbed through the book, the reaction was the same as I had received at numerous talks over the last 10 years. There were gasps of disbelief. There were some who quickly put the book down in disgust. And others who couldn't believe that anyone would think the book would be distributed to teens, much less 10-year-olds.

Hmm...I don't know about you, but I'm still thinking the O'Reilly factor for kids. If anything, the shocked reactions and horrified disbelief of the audience reinforces that impression. I'd hate to see Bill O'Reilly demonstrate the more "outside the box" approach to using a falafel and a loofah to anyone, much less a 10 year old.

We've found that the gut reaction of regular people is one of the best ways to determine if something is worthwhile or just trash.

Damn. It's just that- damn...And I thought that I was such a good judge of cultural taste myself. Now it's all clear: I will never be a successful cultural critic in this country. I'd apologize, but what can I say really? I stopped watching Wrestlemania on the teevee back in the early 1990s. If only I'd paid more attention to the tastes and whims of regular people instead of wasting all that dough (in Euros, no less) on the complete works of W. A. Mozart.

In community after community across the country the reaction to this particular book has been universal. Normal people hate it. Normal people can't believe anyone would give this book to a child. Normal people want to walk away from it.

Normal people wonder with trepidation if they can find the book on Amazon.com and order a copy for themselves so they can fully absorb the brand of smutty, smutty filth being marketed at kids nowadays. That and to better understand why their significant other has been developing all those weird lesions on their genetalia of late.

One police officer in one community even commented to me, "You know, if I found you down at the park showing this book to 10-year-old children, I would probably arrest you. The least I would do is to make sure you didn't have any access to the children while I was there."

Um dude, I hate to break it to you, but if I was a cop and saw Jim Sedlack talking to kids in a park, I would probably arrest him too. I mean, no offense, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if an elderly white male is busy showing a book about sex to 10-year-old strangers in the park, odds are heavily stacked against him being a child welfare officer conducting a training exercise with his undercover agents. Not to mention that Jim Sedlack has that creepy sort of pedophile vibe about him. I mean, just look at that quirkly little smirk on his face. That's a pedosmile if I've ever seen one.

That's how horrible this book is. Normal people just know that.

Everyone knows that — everyone except the "experts." We seem to have become a nation of so-called experts. Before we do anything we want to know what the experts think about it. Even if something is blatantly outrageous, when we are told the "experts" believe it is great, we slink back into our holes and let the experts have free reign.

Those damn expert elitists! Just who the hell do they think they are? Coming around and lending their "expertise" in areas in which they are supposedly "experts." Damn it, this is America, and if I want to believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world in seven 24-hour days just like my holy book says, well then I will. I don't need no stinking experts coming around with their elitists facts and figures and trying to impose their cold scientific will on me. I mean, is that really what the founding fathers would have wanted when they built this nation? I didn't think so!

Nowhere, it seems, do we do this more than when it comes to our children. Somehow many parents have been convinced that they are not smart enough to raise their children. So, if the school says such-and-such is okay, we believe the school. If psychologists say that children need freedom to do this or detailed education on that, we go along. Surely, we exclaim, the experts know what they are doing!

Well, guess what. We should trust the natural instincts of a parent trying to do the best for her children over any so-called expert.

In some places in the animal (and human) kingdom, parents crush their young and then devour them. Now while we can assure you that any child crushing and consumption on the part of Jim Sedlack was purely accidental (I mean hey, it's not his fault the damn thing looked like a stray Mcnugget lying in his bed), if those instincts were to come to him naturally, then by God, he would do it, experts be damned! That's the American way!

Take the book discussed above. The title is: It's Perfectly Normal. It is one of those sex education books trumpeted by the experts as being just what our children need. Never mind that it contains all kinds of graphic illustrations. Never mind that it tells our children that it's okay to engage in all kinds of sexual activity. Never mind the fact that any normal person can just look at its contents and tell immediately it's kiddie porn.

We have been fighting against this book since it was first published in 1994. Recently, American Life League ran a full page ad in the Washington Times (and elsewhere) condemning this book and accusing Planned Parenthood, which endorses the book, of promoting kiddie porn. Why did we do it? Because that's what normal people all across the nation think of this book.

Well you know, if you're going to rail against this clearly purient work of pornography whose only goal it is is to lure kids into thinking that sex can be an enjoyable, pleasureable, safe experience if properly done, you might as well try to give us some evidence that this is in fact pornoraphic other than the fact that "normal" people tend to think so (-and as an aside, I would very carefully frame my request within a framework which allows for the fact that anyone who attends a Jim Sedlack lecture on sex is probably far from normal).

On another side note, if it is true that this book came out in 1994, it means that Jim has been agitating against this kind of filth for close to 12 years now. While I do have to give the man points for tenacity, you'd think that these 10 year olds 22 year olds who read the book when it first came out would all be institutionalized by now, clawing at their eyes and trying desperately to purge all thoughts of sex from their brains. While I don't know anyone who fits that description, Jim may want to have a chat with our own dear friend, the Virgin Ben Shapiro. It would be a fascinating blow in support of causal theory if his mom did give him a copy of this book all those years ago. It might explain a lot.

Planned Parenthood's reaction to our ad has been very enlightening. You see, this ad was one of four we ran that week. In addition to accusing Planned Parenthood of spreading kiddie porn in this ad, the others accused Planned Parenthood of protecting rapists, contributing to teenage suicide, and having a racist agenda.

Now if Jim had accused them of eating babies and worshiping Cthulu, then it'd have been a done deal.

Of the four ads, this is the only one Planned Parenthood saw fit to comment on. It leapt to the defense of the book. How could anyone, this purveyor of teen sex, birth control and abortion whined, be against such a wonderful book?

Dude, you're accusing Planned Parenthood of distributing child pornography, encourage kids to commit suicide, violating racial minority's civil rights, conspiring to give Saddam Husein access to Vorgon Battlecruises, and publishing a book, and yet when they respond to this criticism they're "whining?" Get a grip, man!

In its web site defense, Planned Parenthood called American Life League's ad "a blatant act of deception and distortion." It then wrote "It's Perfectly Normal, written for children age 10 and up, centers on puberty and also addresses a wide range of sexual and reproductive health topics, including reproduction, gender, birth control, and HIV. The book has won praise and awards from such highly regarded institutions as the American Library Association, Booklist, Child Magazine, The New York Times, and Publishers' Weekly, among others."

In other words, the "experts" think this book is wonderful, so the rest of us, including parents, should just shut up and go home.

No, Jim. In other words, you're a fat peice of crap who gets off on calling Planned Parenthood racist, sexist, murderous, and rapacious, yet suddenly develops a thin skin when people call you out on your lies. That alone should be enough to convince you to go home and shut your gob.

The ad raised fury because Planned Parenthood's future depends on its ability to sexualize our children. It is an organization that exists on its income from birth control products and abortion. If children decide to live chaste lives, Planned Parenthood loses.

This is so important to Planned Parenthood that it not only distributes the book in English, but many of its affiliates, including the Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts, target the Latino community with the Spanish edition of the book.

In order to control my rage, I have decided to respond to this particular section in a short, easy to follow format which will help maintain the paragraph's structural coherency while at the same time allowing me to express myself accurately.

1) You are a moron.

2) You are a moron.

3) PP does not sexualize your children. Their brains do that on the own. People did have sex before the 1950s.

4) Planned Parenthood gives away condoms and pamphlets for free, thus impeding its ability to make a profit.

5) If your children in particular choose to live chaste lives, everyone, including PP will be a winner.

6) You are a moron.

It makes no difference whether you are a longtime citizen or a newly arrived immigrant; Planned Parenthood is after your children. Its promotion of this offensive book is just one of the many ways that Planned Parenthood tries to convince our children to ignore the traditional values of their families and adopt the "modern" values as espoused by Planned Parenthood.

There would of course be non-traditional values like birth control, recreational sex, antibiotics, sexual education, and post-adolescent childbearing. You know, the kind of things that defined the last three quarters of the 20th century.

In the early 1970s, I was considering moving with my family to a southern city. In checking things out, I asked the local police if there was a drug problem at the local schools. They told me, "We do not really have a problem. If we find there are drug dealers operating near the schools, we let the parents know and they take care of the problem."

Well, parents, there is an organization targeting your children. It is trying to lead them into a sexual lifestyle that will result in millions of dollars of income for Planned Parenthood. It is time for you to act. It is time to use peaceful and prayerful means to protect your children and drive Planned Parenthood out of town.

Parents, I must tell you something. There is an organization- a non-profit organization, no less- which seeks to make millions of dollars off of sexualizing your innocent little dearies. Before you know it, if they have their way, your daughters will lose interest in their needlework and instead start wearing makeup. Boys will show an interest in slow dancing with your little darlings and, before you know it, you will have to dust off the old shotgun and drive over to the church, county beau in tow, wedding ring in your hand, in order to ensure your daughter's purity. And to think, it all could have been avoided if you had run those Planned Parenthood crooks out on a rail before it was too late. Till next time!