Bomb Throwing Pacifist

Today we bring you a colum by one of our most loathed, reviled and despised opposites dear friends over at Townhall.com, Mr. William F. Buckley. Mr. Buckley stands before us as a toddler among midgets, the true (if slightly crooked) pinnacle of all that is right and well in the Wingnutosphere. As proof of his future greatness and vast intelligence and prestige, we submit to you the fact that on Feburary 24th, 2006, in a column entitled "It Didn't Work," Mr. Buckley came right out and said that the American effort to bring freedom, justice, liberty, democracy, and apple pie to Iraq had failed.

However, before you get too excited and leap to the conclusion that maybe someone as insane and wingnutty as only the editor of the National Review can be might actually be marginally grounded in reality, let us not forget the fact that certain pundits (among I am fortunate to count myself) were saying as much way back during the lead-up to war in 2002. As such, while it is certainly nice to hear such words coming from the radical right wing of the Republican party, it is however sad that unlike his mirror opposites over on the left, he didn't have these thoughts, oh, THREE OR FOUR YEARS AGO! However, do not dispair. I do in my heart feel that such a man as he is destined for greatness and may one day rise to the challenge of accurately observing the world around him...if only on a 5-10 year time delay (which will still put him ahead of the game as far as the Superbowl T.V. coverage is concerned. Anyway, on with the show!

There is an unseemly fight brewing between the Catholic Church in America and the U.S. government. A searing division is under way centering on immigration policy. There are 11 million people residing in the United States illegally. Americans aren't easily upset about people who take playful liberties with the law. As long as you pay your taxes, you can buy a joint of marijuana without going to jail, as, two generations ago, you could buy a shot of whisky.

You know, I had to have spent a good 15 to 20 minutes over the course of my lunch break finding a more ridiculous and assinine way to string together three or four completely unrelated sentances, but surprisingly enough, I just couldn't do it. However, never fear! In order to facilitate this column's undying ricockulousness, I have imported my absolute favorite peice of English-to Chinese-to English media to assist us in the translation of the above. Assisting me with today's Sino-Sithese translation of Mr. Buckley's master work will be Anakin Skywalker in a little piece we like to call "Backslash of the West."

Do not worry, Chancellor. We are for the big. In any case, here goes nothing.

There is an unseemly fight brewing between the Catholic Church in America and the U.S. government. A searing division is under way centering on immigration policy. There are 11 million people residing in the United States illegally. Americans aren't easily upset about people who take playful liberties with the law. As long as you pay your taxes, you can buy a joint of marijuana without going to jail, as, two generations ago, you could buy a shot of whisky.

There is poorly-sewn conflict making tea with convergence on Catholic Church and U.S.A. government in U.S.A. A burnt toast regiment is sailing near heart of visitor police. 11 million people are residue in Untied States without legally. Americans no with difficulty people who start freedom game with legality. Taxes are pay long, elbow you marry Juana if no jail, reborn whiskey you get shot.

Oddly enouh, I think my version actually reads better and makes a little more sense.

For years a Mexican who wished to live and work in the United States had only the problem of getting himself across the border. Eleven million people managed that problem. The rules have got stiffer, and to do it now requires a little ingenuity and exertion, and you might even have to hide in a truck full of oranges for an overnight ride into Arizona, or whatever.

For long time Mexican desirous of live in Untied States have great difficulty in carrying of Mexican desirous of live in Untied States bridge frontier. 11 millions peoples are for good. Now rulers stiffer, is now need engine and great tiredness. Even! Conceal in orange truck of Ari's Sauna for ride into top of dark or other places.

Thank God someone besides Jack Abramoff is on the lookout for stiff rulers! Oh well kids, don't let me have all the fun. Go to Townhall and try it yourselves, today!

So it does, Mr. Wan. So it does.