Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

And people wonder why we liberals hate congress(men/women)

You know, it isn't often that I really fear for the country in the literal, very real sense of the word. Oh sure, the economy is in the tank, the glorious war to resubjugate brown people Operation Iraqi Freedom has celebrated its fourth birthday without the Iraqis seeing a shred of peace, freedom and democracy, our fearless leader (along with his less 2006-focused staff) continues to exhibit the signs of Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome as demonstrated by the Dubai ports fiasco and his continuing refusal to shuffle his deck of advisors, and many, many more signs of the impending apocalypse have been made manifest over the last year or two. However, it is fairly safe to say that while the corruption, nepotism and incompetence associated with congress and the White House are probably enough to make good old Sani Abacha blush, it isn't very often that I can say that I react with much alarm to anything congress does anymore.

All that changed this afternoon. For you see, ladies and gentlemen, as I was trolling renewamerica.us for some jucy morsels to whet my appetite for a good old fashioned 1932-style conservative ass-whupping, I had the extraordinarily bad luck to stumble across this particular peice by none other than our good friend and loyal cleptocrat, Natan Tabor!

While loyal readers will have known for some time now that Tabor is planning on running for congress, it wasn't until a few moments ago that I realized the truly deranged nature of this political candidate (all my previous exposures to his particular flavor of radioactive nutheaddery has been fairly limited in scope and only then filtered through the safety goggles and sarcasm-filter of Sadlyno! and World O' Crap) .

Before we go any further, I would first like to give you a brief overview of this young man's accomplishments so as to better acclimate you to what you may expect a little later on in the post. These are courtesy of World O' Crap



Yes, youngish Nathan served as an intern for Oliver North (the paper-shredding Jesse Helms), and for Jesse Helms (the old Jesse Helms). He also worked on the campaigns of Elizabeth Dole (the female Jesse Helms), Mark Earley (the non-convicted Chuck Colson), and Randy Forbes (some politician who may or may not be some manifestation of Jesse Helms)...

[From] a
page that features a 2004 Winston-Salem Journal article about Nathan, we learn Nathan isn't just a conservative political activist based in Kernersville, North Carolina -- he's also a Vice President in his family's "soy for menopausal women" business, and a millionaire. (The paper said that "The company has been successful enough to put Tabor's net worth at between $1 million and $5.1 million, according to Federal Election Commission filings.")...

I want Nathan to fight to get me the same American dream he's lived. You know, the one where your mother makes your brother give you a job in his food supplement business -- and before you're 30, you're a millionaire with plenty of time on your hands to run wingnut sites and run for various offices!


However, it was only upon scrolling down the length of renewamerica.com's website and clicking on this particular column did the true unhinged madness of Nathan Tabor and his family dawn on me. As such, like the first lab engineer at Chernobyl, tapping the guages and muttering "that can't be right," I felt the slow but steady wash of dreadful realization come over me: not only is this guy truly bat-shit crazy, but he's running FOR THE CONGRESS OF NORTH CAROLINA!!! Please allow me to take a few moments so that you may also learn the implications of this revelation (courtesy of Sadlyno!).

Nathan Tabor is one of my all-time favorite wingnuts. In the past, he has advocated outlawing adultery; he has blamed abortion for illegal immigration; he has attacked Abe Lincoln and Lyndon Johnson while standing up for segregationists; and he has blamed human trafficking on pornography. And now, he's decided to run for North Carolina State Senate.


However, in order to give those of you out there a fresh look at the latest pile of steaming, glowing, radioactive manure he has laid out for us (and no doubt a nice preview of what the people of North Carolina can expect to see in their Capitol Building in the future if this bozo gets a seat), we at BTP are delighted to bring you...

The sad state of American education
By: Nathan Tabor



Each election year, you'll find a candidate who says we desperately need to pour more money into our public schools. Ignoring the property tax burdens on senior citizens, the candidate will say that taxpayers need to be prepared to spend more on education — even if it entails incredible sacrifice.

And we're off! You know, oddly enough, while the democrats have no shortage of candidates who like to do stuff like make sure Schools can afford to replace textbooks every 25 years or so, it does take a special breed of wingnut to maintin that not only is raising taxes to help boost school funding an unecessary inconvenience, but goes out all the way and calls increasing educational specing an "incredible sacrifice."

There is little doubt that education can be a sound investment. But I have to wonder what schools are using all that tax money for, given the results of a new study by the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum.The survey showed many things, but here is the most startling fact of them all: Americans know more about the TV cartoon known as "The Simpsons" than they do about the First Amendment.

I suppose that, in an age where trivia is king, this should not be all that surprising. However, it should provoke some serious soul-searching among public officials, teachers, and parents.

While I do agree that it is a sad fact that fewer Americans can name more ammendments than members of the Spimson family, I hate to break it to you, but I woulnd't really be too too worried if I was a teacher. Because, you see, the survey (which can be obtained here, by the way), was a survey conducted on 1,000 random ADULTS around the country via telephone and is only rated at the 95% confidence level (usually the minimal accepted standard for scientifically valid statistical research). Now, considering the fact that you average American is well known around the world for being as dumb as a brick and terminally incurious (the fact that someone like Nathan Tabor could actually run for State office is a tantamount admission of this fact), it's hardly as though the survey was conducted on a bunch or Mrs. Browning's 3rd Grade Social Studies class following their unit on American governance.

According to the study, only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment. For those of you hazy on this point, the five freedoms are freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly, and petition for redress of grievances. Yet, more than half of those surveyed could name at least two members of the Simpson family.

Interesting. Five bucks says Nathan couldn't name all five of them off the top of his head either. Oddly enough, he doesn't say. I mean, I don't know about "self-made" businessmen millionaires who attended Pat Robertson's Regent University, but most of us out in the real world have other jobs and responsibilities and can't be trusted to name elementary school lesson plans off the tops of our heads (want to try a few? Name the first 5 presidents of the U.S. Name 5 signers of the Declaration of Independance. Name 3 of the planets. Name any 1 of the 6 noble gasses).

Oh, but there is this gem: one in five people surveyed thought the right to own a pet was protected under the First Amendment. But the question we need to ask ourselves as Americans is not who's minding the dog — but who's looking out for our own basic rights as citizens.

But, let's be clear here. There's plenty of blame to go around. While it's true that maybe we should have all paid more attention at school, how much of the school calendar was devoted to the First Amendment — one of the most precious rights the founding fathers could have given us?

I agree. While naysayers will claim that a balanced, well-rounded education is the best way to prepare children to become productive future members of society, true patriots like Nathan Tabor know that the best form of Education is to focus on the really important stuff like quaint, seemingly antiquated notions of free speech. That and the right to own guns, the Christian origins of America and the Civil War War of Northern Agression (and how it wasn't about slavery at all). But as Nathan points out, even should we switch to an All-Patriot(tm) curriculum in our public schools, how on earth will we be able to make sure the children are paying attention to the lists of their forefather's accomplishments instead of carving "Suzy Jenkins Likes Thomas Fremont Nuh-Uh!" on their desk?

Here's why this is so important: there are numerous instances today of individuals trying to take away our freedoms. For instance, our freedom of speech is threatened by those who say that the only allowable speech on our college campuses should be politically correct speech.

Dude, we're not trying to force you to be polite to other people here. In your case, assholism is clearly congenital. We're just trying to minimize the potential for a lawsuit when you get your ass kicked by the Nation of Islam football players and complain the school didn't do a good enough job of protecting your rights.

Our freedom of religion is routinely targeted by groups such as the American Civil Liberties Union, who want to ban God from our schools, courthouses, and civic buildings.

Because while we can all agree that the Constitution specifically protects freedom of religion, people like Nathan Tabor tend to get caught up in the idea that having an official moment of the school day reserved for worshipping God is the purest expression of the principle of Church/State separation and the Freedom of speech.

Freedom of assembly is challenged by those who believe the only legitimate protests are the left-wing kind.

Hey Nathan, does this look familiar?

Image hosting by Photobucket
Of course, the news media routinely trumpet freedom of the press — but it is only one segment of the press many of them are interested in. For instance, conservative columnist Ann Coulter is vilified for expressing her anti-left, anti-establishment views.
If by "anti-left, anti-establishment views" you mean an unapologetic and often-repeated call for genocide, ethnic cleansing, forced conversion and judicial assassination, then you're bang on target. Although I will admit to vilifying her for other reasons as well. The blonde perm, pronounced Adam's apple, leather miniskirt, pointy shoes, the physique of the Wicked Witch of the West and the fact that most conservative men seem to go gooey every time she shows up on t.v. are all good reasons as far as I am concerned.
Fox News is accused of pandering to the right — even though its mission is to provide fair and balanced coverage.
I can't count the number of times I have opened my front door only to see it's the postman or the next door neighbor instead of the pizza devliery guy. Oh well, at least I can take comfort in the fact that their slogan is "Get the Door, it's Domino's." I'm sure they'll come through for me. Eventually.

In an Associated Press article, Joe Madeira, director of exhibitions at the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum, said he was actually surprised by the results of his survey.

Madeira told the AP, "Part of the survey really shows there are misconceptions, and part of our mission is to clear up these misconceptions. It means we have our job cut out for us."

Considering the fact that this was a survey conducted by an independant consulting group on behalf of a museum that hasn't even opened yet (April 2006 last I heard), and considering the fact that those results shockingly show that such a museum is desperately needed to help educate the public, I cannot help but say that I am shocked, SHOCKED to learn of how desperately needed this museum is. Henceforce, I urge you all to write your senators and demand full federal funding and grants be awarded to the Freedom Museum forthwith.
It obvious money isn't the solution to our education woes. We must return to teaching the basics.
It obvious too Mr. Nathan qualified to talk on American misundereducation problems in America.
All joking aside, did anyone else notice how the concluding sentance of this piece, while well-linked with the introduction on why spending more money on improving the education system in America has nothing to do with what appears in the body of the message? It is almost as if little Timmy was assigned to write a science essay about the Duck-Dilled Platypus and instead talked about what Indiana Jones would have thought about them had he encountered them while on assignment in New Zealand. It is also eminently clear that Mr. Tabor must not have paid much attention in his "Introduction/Main Body/Conclusion" unit in fifth grade English class. Till next time!
Marc with a C, 5:00 PM

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