Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Strike me hard, if 'tis your pleasure

Since yesterday the other day's post was on a religious topic, I decided I would continue with the theme and post another update with regards to some of the more, shall we say, unhinged versions of what passes for religious dialogue on the internets. While yesterday's post dealt with the brain-twisting farce that is JesusInc.'s verion of God as the CEO of Enron and Jesus as the good stockbroker, hold on tight kiddies, because today we lurch into the wild, wonderful world of *drumroll*

Yes kids, today instead of your ordinary brand of jaw-droppingly, soul-searingly, eyeball-explodingly bad right wing drip, we will go into the deep dark caverns of Adbay Atholicay OgsBlay, in search of the most fercious, the most untammed, the most wingut-o-liscious writing ever conceived since Pope Innocent III's "fuck you, I'm in charge" reform bill of 1207. As this post will contain examples of poor reasoning, religious fundamentalism, and papolatry so horrifyingly out of tune with the modern world that it would make the Amish look like tech-saavy NASA engineers, this post is not recommended for women who are pregnant or nursing, people with high blood pressure, children under age 12, and Commonweal subscribers.

First on the list of vitims targets objects of study is this link, the often imitate but never duplicated CURT JESTER!! Let's see what his last few posts hold is store for us, eh?

February 02, 2006 Catholic GPs set to quit over RU-486 MORE than 200 Catholic doctors, all members of the Guild of St Luke, are set to resign from the Australian Medical Association and the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners over RU-486.

Golly gee, mom. That sounds serious. I wonder why on earth conservative Catholic scientists would ever dream of leaving a reputable professional organization dedicated to their field. Could it be because of...BAD SCIENCE? After all, it can't have anything to do with their political and religious leanings, right? The Church would always support empirical truth over papally-prescribed dogma, right? The Science itself must be flawed, right? Sadly, no. Sadly, SADLY, no.


Guild president, Dr Terrence Kent, a Brisbane GP, said the group which is meeting on Sunday "will be recommending that members resign from both the AMA and the RACGP due to lack of consultation with members of these two groups on their decisions to support removing authority for approving RU-486 from the Health Minister and giving it to the TGA."


The fiends! How dare the AMA and RACGP fail to consult with some people over some other people's desire to take the authority to approve some drug from some people and to give it to other people without first consulting the AMA and RACGP who fail to consult...the....nevermind.


"Not only does RU-486 always result in the death of an innocent human being, complications including maternal death make it totally unacceptable," Dr. Kent said. "The horrific experience that doctors would inflict on young women by giving them this pill to take would be most traumatic to the patients we are supposed to be caring for. They would take the pill then wait several days for the process to be completed with concomitant pain, bleeding and passage of a dead embryo. Surely this would be psychologically damaging and a totally undesirable experience."
Yeah! If a woman has decided to terminate her pregnancy, it's only fair that she be denied the option of taking a pill to induce abortion instead of having the fetus surgically removed under general anaesthesia. It's the only way the little slut will ever learn! Ok, next up we have the very strange, and very amusing blog Ad Altare Dei. I'm not exactly sure what it means, but it sounds sexy. Which is kinda fitting if you think about it because that more or less seems to be the underlying theme of most of this blog's posts.


I fear that I am the only stiffly stifferson who thinks that the Catholic Blog Awards are detrimental, since each blog has its own personality and set of readers.

Um...ok. Considering the recent and not-so-recent scandals that have racked the Catholic church since, well, forever, I think I'd be a little more restrained in describing my Swiss Guardman in quite those terms. Altar boy jokes aside, you'd think that the author's "staff of correction" would enjoy a little more covert code name that Stiffly Stifferson. I was thinking of something grander, like "the mitre of might" or the "crozier of consequence."


In the latest broadcast of The Latin Lover, the pope's latinist, Fr. Reginald Foster, groans about his experience translating the pope's encyclical into Latin. It was not an easy task, according to Fr. Foster, to try to fit all the terrible jargon used in modern languages into Latin, the lingua ecclesiae. "The Romans just didn't think that way!"

You're darn tooting. Why, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for the Latin Lover to try to cram all that terrible jargon up the pope's lingua ecclesiae. I do, however, take exception to the fact that he says the Romans didn't think that way. But of course they did! Otherwise, how else do you explain all this? Oh well kids, I think that's enough right-wing Catholic blogging for tonight. I'm out of beer and all this socordia is making my calva hurt.

But in closing, I have just one ponderous question to ask. Why is it that the new pope looks so damn creepy? I mean, it's bad enough that some of the more hard-line catholics go around acting like he's freakin' God Himself, but then you have to deal with the fact that he just looks so freaking...evil. I mean, it's like Strom Thurmond, after his much-publicized deal with the devil to extend his life in exchange for his soul, found a way to control his spirt and decided to use Radsinger as his new host body. Either that or he just got toasted by Sith Force lightening after a battle to the death with Mace Windu.


PS: The title of the post comes from a rather interesting little discovery I made while surfing the net and researching Hugenot information for my SCA persona. Apparently, while we are all familiar with the Huguenot Cross as their primary symbol, they were also fond of using the anvil, to represent the ability of the Bible to resist any attempt to hammer and beat it into submission. It appears often in period Huguenot boardsides and pamphlets, which I reproduce below. While the literal, word-for word translation of the caption is somewhat clunkier, I have devised my own translation which I feel captures both the original meaning and lyrical, catchy rhyme of the cartoon: "Strike me hard if 'tis your pleasure, and bring fresh hammers, at your leisure."
Marc with a C, 1:31 PM

2 Comments:

Hilarious... reading all those sexual references into my blog posts... when just a little research would have probably helped you uncover what the reference actually meant. I even provided a link and everything... Oh well... valde stultus es!
Anonymous Alan Phipps, at 7:01 PM  
No, no, my friend. You have it all wrong. I knew exactly what Ad Altare Dei meant, I just thought it would be funnier if I hammered some kind of sexual reference out of it. As we all know Ad sounds a lot like "At," altare can only be "altar" and dei is the pronoun positive reflexed indicattive form of the declarative "Deius" when when reverse-engineered into Lingua Inglese sounds like "Day-oo." As such, your blog is entitiled "at the Alter of Daewoos." Though to be honest, why you picked Daewoos is beyond me...Hyundais are far better contenders for the Popemobile I think, but ya know...I suppose we have to show them some love too.
Retrosexually yours,
Marc with a C.
Blogger Marc with a C, at 7:45 PM  

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