Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

So, Jesus was a capitalist, apparently.

Yes, you read that right. Jesus (and God, for that matter) are both died-in-the-wool capitalists, who like nothing better than the manufacture, accumulation, and sale of goods and commodities in exchange for captial. I learned this little nugget of information from the following article that appeared on in it's business section.

Christian CEOs bond for love and profit
God's network: How Christian business owners help each other get rich and go to heaven.
Ellyn Spragins, FORTUNE Small Business editor at large
February 1, 2006: 7:02 AM EST

NEW YORK (FORTUNE Small Business) - Many entrepreneurs start companies to get rich. Some want to be famous. Others just can't work for anyone else. Bart Azzarelli, 57, launched his Florida pipeline-construction company because, he says, God told him to.

I know what you're thinking. Just what the hell kind of gaggle-fuck type of story is this? Upon first finding the article I had to reread it twice to make sure that I got it right. The first few times my eyes skimmed over it, I read "Christian CEOs bond for love of profit" instead of love and profit. Because after all, we all know that nothing was more pleasing to Jesus during his time on earth than starting his own small business and cranking out the TPS reports, right? In the words of some of our good friends, Carramba, no!

"I decided that if God was instilling in my heart to start a business, then it would be God's business," he says.

And just what kind of business would it be, d'ya think? Maybe an enterprise devoted to selling Bibles? Maybe a tourist agency to help pilgrims visit the Middle East? No. Apparently, the big plan God had in mind for Bart was that the best way he could minister to his flock was to start a FUCKING OIL PIPELINE . But no, you see. Having God at the helm of your multi-million dollar industry really isn't all it's cracked up to be, you see. Bart eplains.

Two years later, ready to close down the Charlotte operation, Azzarelli prayed hard for direction. Driving his Cadillac SUV past the University of South Florida campus one day, he lost patience.

"I started yelling, 'God, I haven't heard from you in months! What do you want me to do with this company in North Carolina?' I hadn't gone a block and a half, and this impression that came over me was so great: Give it away."

Brilliant! This whole "God" fellow is truely a man after my own heart. After carefully selecting someone in the business community to be his tool in establishing what might be a very large and very profitable company, God lets him know the dealio, only to leave the poor born-again CEO holding the bag when the investment goes sour, like any good pyramid scheme. Naturally, the CEO is just a little distraught over the fact that his investments are going the way of Soddom and Ghamorrah and bitches to God about it. And God, proving once again that He is indeed the father of all (including capitalist business saavy) gives him the most cunning, Enron-like answer he can craftily supply: pass the bag on to someone else.

C12 members say being a steward of a company is their most important duty, even if it means laying off workers during a downturn. Azzarelli had to lay off half of his 35 employees in 1993 -- one of the hardest decisions he's ever made.

Still, he says, "it would not have honored God to keep them on and lose money and then lose the company."

Which brings up another central tenet of Jesus' teachings: Fuck the poor. And for that matter, the meek as well. Seriously, I can't believe the moxy of this guy. He starts several huge companies whose business have nothing to do directly to religion and claims that they're "god's companies" because God told him to establish them. And then, after spending years "ministering" to his employees by encouraging them to become born again, donate money to a charity pot and work loyally for the company, he decides the best way to "honor God" when the companies run into financial difficulties is to cut them loose, rather than risk losing the company and dishonoring God.

Hey's a novel idea for you. YOU DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. Everything on this earth belongs to God, so wether or not you choose to "glorify God" by painting his name and the side of your plant and encouraging people to convert to your particular brand of fundamentalism. Do you think God really cares more about your fucking investment which "glorifies" Him going under than he does about those 35 people who were out of a job because you decided to cut and run and use God's will as the excuse? In short, get this straight: God does not NEED your company, probably does not WANT your company, never TOLD you to found a company, and certainly doesn't give a rat's ass if your profits are up or down when compared to the well-being of your employees, no matter their born-again status.

Crap like this makes me sick. For the rest of you out there who are thinking this whole "God as the universe's ultimate CEO" is a little strained as well, you may want to read your Bible and see what it (especially the new testament) says regarding wealth. For your convenience, I reproduce these quotes below.

Luke 12:15 And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.

Mat 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Mat 19:21 Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."

Luke 12:33 "Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys."

1 Tim 6:5 Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself

1 Tim 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

Mark 10:21 "You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me."

John 6:27 "Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you."

Matt 21:12 And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves.

Mark 12:43-44 And he called unto him his disciples, and said unto them, verily I say unto you, This poor widow cast in more than all they that are casting into the treasury: for they all did cast in of their superfluity; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.
Marc with a C, 1:03 PM


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