Bomb Throwing Pacifist

If you took that happy, smiling guy from the box of Quaker Oats, handed him a bottle of gin and a rifle, and pissed him off to a point where he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore, you'd get a little something like this.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Shut that bloody Bazouki off!!

I know, I know. It's three days into the new year and the hangover still hasn't worn off. Oh well, nothing like starting work on a Tuesday with a 5-day backlog to get that squared away ;) In any case, since I'm in such a beautiful mood on this Tuesday morning, I thought I'd share some cheery right wing fantasies predictions with you all. Granted these are only the deluded ramblings of fascist nutjobs upstanding, fair-skinned and decidedly heterosexual citizens working on their third or fourth mint julip, but I digress. Thus, without any further ado, here are blogsforbush's predictions for 2006.

1. The Democrats will suffer a loss of seats in both the House and Senate in the November election.
* Aha! Yes! After their humiliation in the whole WMD fiasco and subsequent Iraq phase of the glorious war to resubjugate brown people Operation Iraqi Freedom, the lying, conniving, backstabbing Democrats will finally lose their tyrannical grip on the three branches of government and the glorious Republicans will stride triumphant into Congress, the White House, and the Supreme Court, confident in their superior numbers and no longer under the crushing bootheel of an oppressive liberal majority. Oh, wait.

2. Assad's regime in Syria will collapse in a democratic revolution.
* Because if there's one thing we have proven in the late 20th and early 21st century, inflammatory rhetoric and vocally encouraging local oposition unfailing results in a pro-American administration.

3. Growing political unrest in Iran will make the Iranian government even more extremist and difficult than it already is; with an outside chance of a political revolution.
* See point number 2 above. Never mind the fact that the last time Iran had a revolution, it ended up looing like this, the only real evidence for a political revolution occuring in Iran seems to be in the fermented imagination of some monarchist blogging hack. But that's in keeping with the current administation's philosophy of Imaginetics. If only we wished a little harder, it might come true. Too bad all the wishing in the world hasn't gotten a nother pretzel lodged in his throat.

Iranian democracy at work.

4. Iraq will rapidly fade from American news stories as bad news from Iraq dries up.
*Well, considering how great Iraq has been doing so far, I guess we're really spoilt for choice there. I just wish they didn't keep talking about those things like 30,000 dead Iraqis, 2500 coalition casualties, and billions of dollars left unnaccounted for. At least all those schools that w bombed ended up getting rebuilt a few times and we killed a good number of number 2 Al-Quaeda guys in Iraq (maybe it's like one of those old-school computer games where if you don't kill the big boss and get the maximum number of points, you can still kill minor bosses and win that way). Oh wait, this just in, courtesy of Juan Cole and WaPo! Apparently, the Bush administration has spent most of the $18.4 billion relocated to Iraq reconstruction and in the budget proposal slated to go before congress in February, they don't plan on asking for any more. Huzzah! Looks like the end is in sight. Bad news from Iraq might dry up after all. Kinda like our presence.

5. The Democratic left will become increasingly shrill as the year advances, while the political fall out from the left's defeat in November of '06 will be massive and may split the Democratic Party fatally.
*Because unlike the nasty liberals, conservative are unified on everything. Like on the necessity of ignoring court rulings and passing unconstitutional laws in order to reinsert a brain-dead woman's feeding tube against her express wishes. Or on the necessity of allowing brown people into the country to work our sub-minimum wage jobs picking fruit. Or on the necessity of force-feeding the Supreme Court unpalatable justices with no prior judicial experience. Or on how breaking a promise that has stood the test of time for over 70 years is necessary in order to keep their promise. Or on the overarching importance of denying gay people the same basic human rights as everyone else. Or... But hey, don't let me have all the fun. Name some of your favorites!

6. The San Diego Chargers will go 14-2 next season.
* Beats me. I'm a Caps fan.

7. Tom DeLay will be cleared. Rove will not get indicted.
* According to an article in today's WaPo, "Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff has reached an agreement with federal prosecutors to plead guilty to two criminal charges stemming from the 2000 purchase of a fleet of gambling boats, his attorney said Tuesday." Damn, less than 72 hours into the new year and things are already looking grim.

8. The Democrat's strategy of using corruption as their key issue will backfire on them. That, combined with their lack of a plan for Iraq, will result in Mark's first prediction.
* Because in this version of reality, blowing an undercover CIA operative's identity, flunking a perfectly safe drug on religious grounds and paying reporters lump sums of money to write favorable editorials are all marks or unflinching honesty in the face of adversity and ethics probes.

9. As a result of 8 and 1, Howard Dean will resign as Chairman of the Democratic Party.
* "See, fellow progressives? I bring the GOP to you, chained by its own rehtoric and flatulent incompetence, incapable of wreaking any more havoc on America. My work here is done."

10. George W. Bush's approval numbers will hit the 60's.
* Because in this version of reality, the weather is also linked to Bush's approval ratings. Bring on the new ice age, boys!
Marc with a C, 9:36 AM


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